Masturbation Betty Dodson's Personal Story is a Gift of God.

Masturbation  Betty Dodson's Personal Story is a Gift of God.

Masturbation is a gift of God. Sex is a gift of God to us. Sexual lust is not evil lust, it is God designed human nature. Evil lust is hurtful and harmful to humans. Masturbation is healthy. Masturbation is good. Masturbation is God designed. Masturbation is good for you. Masturbation is for everyone to enjoy.

God uses Bonobos as an example to show all  people how God designed people to live. This is an undisputed fact. This is clearly what God is thinking. This is clearly God’s plan and God’s desire for all his creation to live. God did not change his mind and 99.999 of God’s creation did not change their minds, only corrupt thinking people changed their thinking to be opposite of God’s thinking.

 

 

http://www.innerself.com/Sex_Talk/Masturbation.htm

Masturbation: A Personal Story

by Betty Dodson

My first post-marital relationship was a sexual turning point. Blake was an exciting man. At the age of forty-two, with enough money to retire, he'd wrenched himself away from his workaholic ways as a professor and publisher to seek pleasure and peace of mind. Soon after his divorce, he quit therapy, came off the addictive pills prescribed by his doctor, and stopped drinking his ritual martinis before dinner. At the time we met, I'd been off alcohol for three years, so we were both completely drug free. We started mainlining sex.

I intended to explore sex passionately and in depth without the interference of church or state.

We were both delighted with our intense, experimental love affair. Good sex quickly changed my image of ecstasy. In the past I'd been grateful for one orgasm during lovemaking. What you don't know, you don't miss. Now I was having several orgasms, and their intensity actually alarmed me. After every big one, I needed reassurance from Blake. Did he think the neighbors could hear me? Was he sure that I wasn't damaging my body? Was it really okay with him when I carried on like that? It was my introduction to pleasure anxiety, the fear of having too much of a good thing. He told me I was the sexually responsive woman of his dreams.

Open Sexual Communication

It was a thrill to be able to talk honestly and openly about sex. Our exploratory conversations quickly got onto the subject of marriage, monogamy, and sexual repression. I told him about my guilt-ridden marital masturbation, and he told me about his. He talked about the "toning down" of sex that had evolved during his 17 year marriage. Lovemaking had become totally predictable, and the sexual constraints and lack of communication had also been depressing. He was sneaking extra orgasms by masturbating in the bathroom. Though he longed for sexual variety, he had agreed to be monogamous, and he was too idealistic to seek extramarital sex. His only alternative was masturbation, which would have been okay if he could have done it joyfully. But, like me, he'd felt sick with frustration and guilt. As his self-esteem was eroded by this process, he began to regard himself as a dirty old man.

Through our discussions, I began to understand how our whole anti-sexual social system had repressed us. We couldn't even touch our own bodies for sexual gratification without feeling sick or guilty. That realization made me so angry that I resolved to banish sexual guilt from my mind once and for all. It would no longer be part of my life.

I intended to explore sex passionately and in depth without the interference of church or state. The best way to learn about sex and pleasure was to have a lover with an open mind. Blake and I quickly moved beyond traditional sex roles. With our healthy inquisitiveness, we both experimented with being receptive and assertive by being on the top or bottom, and we took turns doing each other with oral sex and erotic "hand jobs."

Sexual Joys

It was a special meeting of minds as well as bodies when we got together. What a joy it was to find a man who agreed with me about sex! We started gathering bits of sex information that supported our ideas about the importance of masturbation. Masters and Johnson had just published their findings on female sexuality, which demolished Freud's idea of "mature vaginal orgasms." They found all orgasms centered in the clitoris, and that categorizing orgasms as clitoral or vaginal was incorrect.

With all that wonderful sex, I was surprised to discover I was masturbating more, not less, whenever we weren't together.

We both knew that masturbation had saved our sexual sanity, and we vowed that we'd never again consider it a "second rate" sexual activity. Although we'd decided that masturbation would be a natural part of our sexual exchange, actually sharing it for the first time was difficult for both of us. After all, masturbation had been a private activity our entire lives. Naturally this new kind of exposure made me feel very vulnerable. Once I made it clear that I wasn't dependent on him for my orgasm, I was confronting the possibility of upsetting his romantic image. I felt tentative about taking such a big risk with sexual honesty. At that point, any criticism from him would have sent me scurrying right back into the old missionary position.

First I decided I had to get up enough nerve to watch myself masturbate in front of a mirror alone. When I saw I didn't look funny or strange, but simply sexual and intense, I was amazed. Until that moment, I had no visual image of myself as a sexual being. With this new erotic information, I was able to make the breakthrough with Blake. We celebrated our Sexual Independence Day by showing each other that we could have first-rate orgasms by ourselves. We both loved it! Masturbating together de-mystified the romantic image of orgasm, and I stepped down from my pedestal to become a sexual equal.

Society has been slow to provide any positive images for divorced people, single parents, surviving partners, or older gay people who end up living alone. The idealized image of the young romantic couple whose love for each other mysteriously conquers all will get us through our twenties, but like Romeo and Juliet, it helps to die young. Getting married and staying together forever may work for some people; for millions of others it doesn't. There needs to be more support for the positive aspects of two people "getting apart." We should be congratulated. Divorce doesn't mean failure, and living alone doesn't necessarily mean loneliness. Two of the happiest days of my life were the day I got married and the day I got divorced.

Neither Blake nor I wanted to get married again, nor did we want to live together. We'd spent the first half of our lives immersed in "togetherness." Now we wanted to practice the art of "separateness." We wanted to find out who we were as individuals. It was a radical concept in 1966, and friends thought we were crazy. Why would lovers want to spend time apart? After a year of erotic loving, we set out to sow our erotic oats separately, convinced that sexual love was inclusive, not exclusive.

Doing For Yourself

Learning how to live without owning another person went in stages. First Blake and I stopped going steady. We started dating other people and exchanged information about our successes and failures. We discovered the joy of sharing erotic love with each other and several other people at the same time. We no longer expected our sexual exchange to last "forever." Now we could simply enjoy it for as long as it was good.

Being a whole person took me back to that period in my childhood that I loved the best. It was just before everyone started going steady. We hung out in small groups, and the world seemed larger with more possibilities. But by high school, hanging out with friends on Saturday night became a memory because suddenly everyone traveled in twos, like Noah's ark.

Within five years Blake and I reached a critical point. The old sexual charge had diminished, and we wanted to have our primary sexual exchanges with other people. In a traditional relationship, we would have had to sacrifice sex for the security of staying together. In another five years, we would have been cheating on each other with clandestine affairs. However, our radical idea of separateness paid off. There was no love-hate drama, and I had no urge to destroy myself with despair or rage. We even double-dated with our new lovers and continued to be good friends.

All of my lovers had the potential for becoming friends, and all of my friends had the potential for becoming lovers. I went on to experiment with having roommates, living communally, and sharing vacations with my erotic friends all over the world. My security for old age was living more fully in the now. Better than blue-chip stocks was having self-love, good health, creative work, and a big erotic family of friends.

Blake and I have continued to be an important part of each other's lives, sharing a dynamic dialogue based on a mutual interest in sex. Our meaningful friendship goes on to this day. It's a different kind of love story.

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The above was excerpted with permission from Betty Dodson's book, "Sex For One: The Joy Of Self Loving", ©1987, published by Crown Publishers, Inc., 201 East 50th St, New York 10022.

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About The Author

BETTY DODSON, artist, author, and sex educator, has been a public advocate for women's sexual liberation for two decades. She is an international author of sexual self-help and will soon receive a Ph.D. from the Institute for Human Sexuality. Betty can be reached at: 121 Madison Ave., New York 10016.

 

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Thank you for sharing your comments. Please do not leave any inappropriate messages. (editor@innerself.com)

 

 

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A very interesting Article. My wife and I are starting to venture down a new road in our sex life and our own sexualities. This Article lends some insight to where we might be headed. Thankyou rick0812@excite.ca

 

 

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my husband who is 70 loves to be masturbated to sleep-He becomes erect but does not have an orgasm-but he says that being masturbated to sleep is the closest thing to heaven-a very serene and peaceful feeling-he spreads his legs and just languishes in all my slow and oily massaging of his penis until he melts down and sleeps.I love doing this for him.

 

 

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A recent divorcee, I am now seeing a woman who is the sexual mirror image of myself. We both discovered wonderful sex after our marriages. She entered this state ten years ago, and I discovered it, with her, last year. We still masturbate frequently, alone and in each others presence. I feel absolutely no shame, and this voyage of sexual and self discovery has truly been a liberation of my soul. Bob D.

 

 

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I was in my mid-30's, divorced with two children to raise, and experiencing a lot of mental illness symptoms. A psychiatrist insisted that I learn to masturbate--that my problems were caused by sexual frustration. Slowly I learned how to do this, and finally began to believe that he was right, as I became more and more stable mentally. I have included this in my life for over 40 years, and my love sessions with myself have become better, more spiritual, and incredibly beautiful as I grow older, and more whole. I can't even imagine what kind of person I would be now if I had just adjusted to a life of unconscious frustration. I learned to love myself through activly loving myself, and that freed me to love others. Thank you. M.D.

 

 

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I sometimes feel while engaged in auto erotic activity that Big Brother is watching.

 

 

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That was very intersting to know. Me I am the type that love it when my man do the things R.Kelly would do.In return I do the same to him.When I first got with him, this was new to me. Once he did his thing and told me what to do once it comes to him, him and I were madly in love.Same time we just have sex so we won't wear it out but, when we go down on each other, we never won't it to end. I think this is something every couple should share.(e-mail me at estoriaw @yahoo.com if you have a comment.)

 

 

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Hogwash...selfishness to the max!

 

 

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I am 40 years of age, female and separated after 14 years of marriage. In loneliness in the evenings I turned to chat rooms on the Net. Cybersex is reaching parts of my inner self that I didnt know existed. The feelings that I experience in a good cybersex session are sometimes more intensive than any I have had in real time. Masturbation can play a very important part in the session, but I can also experience 'mind' orgasms which leave me totally exhausted and satisfied. The only problem is I rarely get to bed before 3am now! GOOD ARTICLE BY THE WAY. JULESXXX

 

 

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I believe that masturbation with sophisticated and expensive Japinesse toys are a godsend to older women. There are small vibrating penus's with an attatchment which vibrates over the clitoris. With baby oil applied, and a remote controller, an older woman or widower can have hours of discretionary pleasure and ultimate sexual satisfaction. The orgasm can be astounding or you can use a low volume on the remote and lull yourself to sleep. Either way,or anywhere in between, it is so satisfying, and makes life a lot richer.

 

 

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All the comments are useful in various ways. My wife and I always indulged in a certain amount of masturbation even in the early days of our marriage; but I always felt that when I masturbated her she felt that it was a second best. I enjoyed doing so very much while manipulating my own erect penis. This continued for some time; but she frequently asked to be penetrated. Penetration did not always give her an orgasm. After one conventional sexual session, I finally asked her what she really preferred. At first she was reluctant to answer; but then admitted that masturbation gave her most pleasure. We now fuck infrequently; but spend many fantastic hours masturbating. I always preferred it; now she feels the same, and our sex life never lacks excitement.

 

 

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I live for the nights when my 70 year husband masturbates me to sleep. He uses baby oil and a little suction device that fits over my clitoris and using a hand pump he lulls me into sleep

 

 

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After reading this article, my roommate and I (who are both virgins) have found that masturbating together, though we are not gay, has helped us open up sexually. We have even gone so far as to let our neighbor, Ryan, join in on special occassions. This article is extremely helpful.

 

 

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Sex is the total self-gift of love and life. This article is about unfulfilling hedonism.

 

 

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I FOUND THE ELDERLY WOMAN WHO COMMENTED SHE "MASTERBATES HER 70 YEAR OLD HUSBAND TO SLEEP EVER NIGHT WITH AN OILY MASSAGE" TO BE AN EXTREMELY LOVING PERSON TO DO SUCH A WONDERFUL THING FOR HER HUSBAND... ESPECIALLY AS SHE SAID "SHE ENJOYS DOING IT FOR HIM"...

 

 

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I am an older man whose wife has alzheimer's and is also incontinent. sex with her is impossible. so I masturbate. right now I use a vibrator of the type that fits the back of the hand and is intended for back or shoulder rubs etc. Can anyone here recommend any of the (vibrators for him)that mightmight make my masturbations more pleasurable?

 

 

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Thank you from the woman who masturbates her 70 year old very loving husband to sleep every night-he loves me and he deserves it.-and the baby oil brings him back to his childhood-he will slowly spread his legs and lay back and enjoy being massaged and although he has never had an orgasm his penis will rise up and stay there and contract over and over again until we are both tired and fall asleep.

 

 

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To the man whose wife has Alzheimer-There are pumps which fit over your penis and you can manuelly control which bring a lot of enjoyment and satisfaction-also there are sheaths that fit over your penis and can stimulate you to a beautiful and fulfilling orgasm.

 

 

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I think your story is the exception and certainly not the rule. My ex-wife was a real philanderer. After a few days away from her, I would always be disappointed and confused about how she could not be as sexually charged as me. I turned to masturbation, thinking I was the problem, just plain oversexed or needed orgasms more than her. To make a long story short, by the end there was no honesty from her, and my masturbation (and subsequent pornography use), drove us apart emotionally.

 

The moral of the story is that marriage is a universal commitment to another person, and you need to be commited to that ideal. The honesty which you claim you and Blake had is admirable, but nonetheless selfish and/or superficial. I would be very careful to assume that you will always be fulfilled and never be lonely, especially when you begin looking for emotional attachment.

 

Hope my experience helps.

 

Skippo

 

 

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I am the woman who loves to masturbate her 72 year old husband with oil and and my own messy fingers. He will spread his legs and his penis slides between my oily fingers and contracts and contracts-not to orgasm-but to a blissful semi-orgasmic sleep.He often has a huge erection which I gently massage. So far he has never ejaculated,but loves to be stroked almost endlessly.

 

 

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I wish there was a special site for masturbators of a certain age. My husband was just able to attain one of the new tiny clitoral pumps from a friend of ours who is a pharmisist and it has rejuvenated me. Initially,I thought I would be embarrassed, and I was. But now I love it. my husband positions the pump over,but not touching my clitoris and I can control the suction intensity. Use lots of baby oil and you feel like you are being suckled. It is so exquisite-I never felt anything so devine. My husband holds the tiny pump with one hand and strokes my open thighs with his other. It is a new world for us as my husband for medical reasons cannot penetrate.This beautiful,sophisticated and discrete device has opened me up to a wonderful new and rich world of pleasure I never knew existed. And now I don't feel embarrassed about using "my friend" early in the morning or sometimes in the afternoon. I am learning how to slowly come to climax-now I want it all to last as long as possible.My husband loves my enjoyment and is starting to tease me about how much I now love to "orgase"-our term for masturbation.And some mornings now Iwake up with a little tickle in my clitoris and if I just spread my legs my husband will know that what I want most is to be lazily,sexilly pumped back to sleep. He is so beautiful-my husband. He has given me a beautiful gift.

 

 

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THE SELFISHNESS AND DOUBLE STANDARD MANY OF US ARE LIVING BY THESE DAYS IS AMAZING!JUST THE ACT OF COMMUNICATING PROPERLY COULD SAVE THOUSANDS OF MARRIAGES ANNUALLY.TELL YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE WHAT TURNS YOU ON EARLY IN THE RELATIONSHIP,AND WATCH SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPEN! THE SEX BETWEEN MY WIFE AND I HAS EVOLVED INTO SOMETHING INCREDIBLE.THIS WAS ONLY ACHIEVED THROUGH OPEN HONEST COMMUNICATION.MARRIAGE ISN'T FOR THE IMMATURE,THE SELFISH,THE UNFORGIVING,THE DISHONEST,AND ESPECIALLY THOSE WITH THE INABILITY TO BE HONEST WITH THEMSELVES!ALSO,LOVING SEX AND SEX ADDICTI0N ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS!

 

 

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I have fallen in love for the first time and am finding out how wonderful sex with the person you love can be. Both me and my partner are open about sex and like to incorporate masturbation into it. I think it's wonderful that such love, excitment and good sex was found for this lady, i think it helps to contribute a major part to a loving relationship! jen xxxxx

 

 

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My mother never really spoke about sex and self love - she was very closed to this kind of discussion and it made me guilty to have such feelings.

 

I have been with my husband for 17 years and have never been able to talk to him about what I like or what I want, I am not even sure if I knew.

 

I recently met a wonderful man, kind, gentle, loving and secure in who he is, he makes me feel beautiful and wanted. He wants me to pleasure myself in front of him and until I read this I was afraid to try. Thank you

 

 

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I don't know..... the article was pretty interesting, but something still doesn't work.......

 

 

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WISH I COULD GET MY LOVER TO READ SUCH AS THIS. SHE THINKS ONLY THE MISSIONARY POSITION AND INTERCOURSE IS PROPER. NO MASTERBATION , NO ORAL SEX

 

 

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I thought the article was wonderful. I enjoyed reading all the comments. One comment was about using a clitoral pump. Where would I beging to look for something like that?? I have used other thing in the past when I masturbate, but would love to try this pump.

 

 

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id love to find a woman who isnt afraid or ashamed to admit she does.....it is an awesome feelin to knwo shes sharign a special and private part or her life... Mark from NJ JediKnightNJ@aol.com

 

 

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I 'M NOT THAT RELIGIOUS, BUT WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE EVERYTHING THEY WANT TO DO ALRIGHT WITH GOD? ADULTRY IS A SIN, RIGHT? SO WHAT ABOUT MASTURBATION, IS IT A SIN OR IS THAT ALRIGHT?

 

 

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To make my point of view more understandable to you I will be foward. I believe in Jesus. When you masturbate you lust, when you lust, you sin, and when you sin, thats when bad things happen. I know that many think Im a wierdo for believing in God, but the Bible is clear about sexuality -- Within the confines of marriage. The most important part of our sexuality is not the physical pleasure, but the emotional pleasure. You know what they say, "Your brain is your most important sexual organ". Stop devalueing your sexuality to mere physical standards. Personally I think that article is discusting partially because of the promescuity of both people but the lack of self control. The only part I agree with is the importance of honesty, trust, and communication. Thanks, Jeff Lowsinon@mad.scientist.com

 

 

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Why does masturbation seem to conflict with those who regard themselves as religious?

 

 

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I think this article will grant us all an awareness that maybe our previous generations had no time for with families being as large as they once where and providing for them quite cumbersome. As we all evolve I think it only natural that our beings, and way of life must evolve as well. I thank you for this article. It's an awakening of the minds and an awakening of our sexual growth. Whether your religious or not there are and will be human sexual tendencies that will prevail. Masturbation is normal, and can be taken to erotic levels with maturity and openness. Enjoy!!!!

 

 

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I am a 17 year old girl, and I'll be honest with you readers. I believe in maintaining virginity until marriage, so I turn to masturbation for my questions about my sexual self. I've tried masturbation a few times, by rubbing clitoris a few times rigorously, but orgasm was impossible. I hope that doesn't mean that I am not sexual.. My friends, compared to me, are much prettier and more open about sexual stuff. They actually have sex talks with their boy/guy friends. Gosh.. Anyhow, I do think that masturbation is a good thing, and I am thankful, but what are some ways to improve my performance?

 

 

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I want to comment on Jeff Lowsinon's post-I totally agree with you!!! When you masturbate you do lust and when your married and masturbate then its mental adultery.Most men who are married (and women as well)who masturbate are thinking of other people.Pornography and mental adultery prepare the mind,heart,and conscience for actual episodes of adultery long before the event takes place! The most important characteristic that GOD emphasizes about the sexual relationship is the emotional union between the husband and wife.Not only is mental adultery forbidden by Jesus, but it also destroys the emotional bond between husband and wife and robs them of true sexual pleasure with each other. That is what is wrong with our society today EVERYONE IS LOOKING OUT FOR #1! People care more about themselves than they do their partner or their family for that matter. When your married and masturbate remember that its not a victimless activity. Your relationship with your spouse will suffer unspeakable harm as a result.Pornography and fantasy enable both men and women to stay forever immature.In addition, masturbating to pornography(soft or hardcore)or to fantasies(real or imagined)is adultry of the heart that Jesus warned about. Matt 5:27:28' Caroline

 

 

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Is there any men who prefer masturbation over actual intercourse? My husband thinks that he is hiding it from me when he masturbates at night while in bed. I have asked him about it before but he totally denies it. I know without a doubt he is doing it. Im sure most guys masturbate-ok-i can deal with that but why come to bed and do that 4 nights per week and only try to touch me 1 night per week. I feel that he is fantasizing about other women and would prefer that over sex with me. Why is the question? I have felt like it was ME and that there must be something wrong with me that causes him to do this but after talking with people I've realized that its HIM who has the problem. I think he's addicted to self satisfaction. We aren't close anymore due to his addiction if you will. I feel like he's actually cheating on me with a real person. I check the history on our home computer to find that he has been to many pornography sites. Im very hurt and I dont know how to get him help especially when he denies his actions. Can anyone offer any help? Im not the type of wife who never wants to have sex so I can't understand where this comes from. I would have sex with him anytime he wants-so it can't be that he suffers from lack of sex.???????

 

 

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Read all comments. Some are realistic, other selfishl, self-gratifying and based on the humanistic point of view. I believe in Jesus but am not posting this comment to preach a Fire and Brimstone message but simply sharing my view of life or my opinion of the matter. Sex is not something that it has come to be, especially these days with such a great influx of nudity and suggestive material in the open public. The Creator is a Loving and Compassionate one and does not condemn making love between a man and a woman, given that its done according to His principles. I also want to clarify as many of you might need it that God is NOT AGAINST sex as long as it is performed within the holiness and sanctity of marriage. This was the first thing ever told human beings...

 

BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY...(Gen. 1:28)

 

God is definitely FOR sex and this is the most pleasureable thing on this earth. Promiscuity is having it with ANYBODY and EVERYBODY, upon them there will be strong punishment and judgment. You ask why! Well, people commiting all sorts of promiscous acts know in their consciences that it is wrong but they just quiet their consciences and keep living the lifestyle. Whenever we follow Gods plan for our lives, things just flow better and we have a more fulfilled life-- spiritual, soulish and bodily (physical-- sex is included in that).

 

Sex is not about receiving as much is it is about giving the other. It is the most beautiful and lovely thing on this earth but the fact still remains that it is the height or the climax or the outward expression of inward love and care for the other person. When all you are focused on is getting some pleasure for yourself without caring for the other person, that is called selfishness at its extreme. You need to be more considerate of your partner and make love to them at the same time receive love from them. If you are selfish, you need to grow up and start loving and caring for your partner just as you love yourself, if not more.

 

SEX IS GREAT AND EVERONE MUST ENJOY IT! --- WITH THEIR SPOUSE!!! Otherwise you are simply a prostitute, male or female, experienced or amatuer.

 

These are my views on the topic.

 

Thanks for your time and enjoy sex with your spouse forever!

 

 

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I was so pleased to find this site and now I dont feel alone in the world. I am 41 married lady. I have no way of talking intimately with my husband and it is such a relief to be able to write these words. I have masturbated since I was very young. Several boy friends and a husband later and I still do it and prefer it to any other form of sex. My greatest joy is to know I will be alone for hours and undisturbed. Sometimes I have watched porn films and fantasise about the men and on a few occasions even women. But mostly it is the sheer physical pleasure and the feeling of doing something forbidden. To see myself in the mirror in a state of indignity is such a high. I do not exaggerate to say that four or five orgasms a day is not unusual. I dont feel ashamed but I would hate my friends or family to know. I wonder if I am unique or do so many women feel the same needs. Shirley

 

 

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My Wife and I Masturbate together, alone, and in fornt of each other. When my wife masturbates, I can not stand it. I have to do it with her. I think the word MASTURBATION is a good word, and should be spoken in a favorable way.

 

 

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I enjoy hearing about other people Masturbating. You should not be ashamed, rather you should do it the best you can.

 

Masturbation is a beautiful thing, and I do it when my wife is already asleep, or when we do it together.

 

David@pritchett-family.com

 

 

 

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i loved that storry betty just wish i could be so lucky in having such a friend. i am 60 years of age and have been masturbating regularly since i was 18, my only regret is that i didn't have enough knowledge - and certainly no guidance - to begin earlier. i have been married for 30 or more years and have enjoyed a good partner sex life, sadly i could not share masturbation sessions with her. the only person in fact i share masturbation experiences /techniques with is a lady friend who lives in canada, we found each other through an internet gardening group. i love your site, betty, and often reading your contributors erotic letters, soon i will contribute to that site myself.

 

 

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I encourage my wife to Masturbate more. We do it together, and alone.

 

I love to do it with her.

 

I always have the best time possible, after all it is you that is in control of your own Orgasam.

 

Masturbation is a beautiful word, and a beautifual thing to do and watch.

 

David

 

 

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One my wife started masterbating ( after a long time getting over hang up's) our sex life has improved out of sight. I love masterbating in front of her and i love watching her it is wonderful foreplay

 

 

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When I was a young girl my grandfather used to masturbate me. I was scared to say anything then and over the years I started to masturbate myself. I have felt it to be a curse and a detriment to always have this sick thing over my head and I have not always been able to come to terms with this as I just feel abused.I don't believe for one minute that my God approves of this practice.

 

 

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I am a middle-aged grandfather, still married for nearly 28 years. I've been masturbating throughout our entire marriage. Occasionally my wife will masturbate herself, but she never lets me watch because she is still "hung up" about it. Even her therapist told her to masturbate so she can learn to enjoy self-pleasuring. I have occasionally done it with her watching me, which I find very exciting, but she really doesn't get into it that much, so most of my hand jobs are when she's not home.

 

I've been doing it since 8th grade. Due to strict religious upbringing, I felt guilty about it for many years, & I always tried to stop, & promised God that I would stop, but to no avail. I now masturbate whenever I want to, with very little remaining guilt.

 

I consider myself heterosexual, but I find I am increasingly turned-on by photos of naked male bodies. I think that now that I accept my own body, cock, etc. as a beautiful creation, I can also see that same beauty in other males. I'm especially turned on my hairy males. Of course, I also see the beauty in the female body.

 

For those of you who think I'm just a dirty old man, I think you're wrong. I love my wife & kids & grandkids. I would never do anything to harm any one of them, or anyone else for that matter. I don't consider masturbating myself to wonderful orgasms as harmful in any way.

 

 

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This is to Shirley, you are not alone, I am in my thirties and have masturbated as far back as I can remember. No one else knows but me. I can not wait to be alone so I can masturbate. I wish sometimes I had someone to talk to about it. I too was glad to find this sight. jenny

 

 

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When they were teens, I told my daughters that I would rather they masturbate than get into situations where they might become pregnant or contract sexual diseases. Now I would tell them to masturbate and masturbate their lovers or spouses as part of the overall enjoyment of sex for themselves and their partners. I have masturbated for years and have married a woman who also masturbates. Often, upon meeting me at work, she will tell me of the orgasm she had that morning. I love it!

 

 

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The freedom to be open with oneself and with one's mate is truly a gift. The thought that sex, masturbation, mutual masturbation and toys used with sex is sinful, evil, dirty, causes a real chasm between couples when so thought. I'm 68, masturbate four to five times a week and have done so for fifty five years. My partner has not had sex with me nor initiated it for four years. I had tried to encourage her to masturbate with me, but, to no avail. How sad I feel that we cannot share sex or masturbation due to her conservative religious beliefs. Communication is nil. Conversation about sex is impossible. Stigmas again masturbation seem to me to be juvenile, uneducated, and show a biased background. Freedom of discussion, of encouraging your partners self pleasuring action, of maintaining a belief system that does not foster the thought of dirtiness in sex is important. I love to watch others masturbate (as in porno film, in magazine, live) and it seems to generate a freeing attitude. Hangups should be hungout. Doc

 

 

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I Loved that story, and I loved reading the positive comments others have made, especially the one where the woman masturbates her 70 year old husband to sleep every night. What a wonderful woman she is! I've been masturbating all my life, well, since age 18 - I was a slow starter - and am now 61 with a wife and three grown daughters. Unfortunately due to our archaic upbringing through the late 40s and 50s, I've never been able to share the pleasure with my wife, although she knows I'm a masturbation freak. In fact my self orgasms have been a secret from anybody, except my wife but even then there has always been an aura of secrecy about it until I joined the world of internet surfers in more recent years. Through this medium I have met a lovely lady - some 20 years younger than myself (seems all the ladies of my generation are all of the 'secret' kind)and some 20,000 miles from me, with whom I (we) so willingly and readily share our solo and partner sexual pleasures. Through our letters - by the way she too is married with young children - we have developed a depth of friendship neither of us has experienced with people we've met /known in 'real' life. If you read this Betty Dodson, let me thank you for such an enlighting web site, I visit it often, you are doing so much good bringing masturbation into the light and liberating our sexual selves. Reading your letters has stirred me once again, i average an session about twice a week and despite the passage of the years and an apparent falling away of our libidos, the urge still persists. thank you bill ps. if it wasn't for fear of attracting distractors, i would leave my email address, i would love to share with others, male and female.

 

 

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I wonder what it is that single people who love Jesus should do after their spouse leaves them and they feel sexually deprived and guilty if they do anything about it. It is a bad position to be in and not a good enough reason to just jump right out there and get married again. I have been really struggling with this and what God thinks about a single person that wants to Masturbate and doesnt want to fornicate or comitt adultry but just get rid of sexual frustration.

 

 

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I love to masterbate it makes me feel great you let it all out lol. My wife and I love to masterbate before sex and some times that all. Masterbating is down right the best and its free.

 

 

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MASTERBATION IS NOT BAD FOR YOU AND IT WILL NOT MAKE YOU GO BLIND.. IT IS ALSO A SAFE RELEASE FOR YOU THAT WILL NOT GIVE YOU A DISEASE OR MAKE YOU PREGNANT. IF YOU CAN AVOID THE PROBLEMS ASSOCIATED WITH SEX BY TAKING CARE OF THINGS YOURSELF, IT CAN ONLY BE CLASSIFIED AS HEALTHY. IF YOU DO DECIDE TO HAVE SEX, BE SAFE.

 

 

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we have been married for ten years this year my husband has been masterbating at nite in bed with me sleeping i ask him to have sex he says no and then does this now if he would wake me to join in then i would not care but he isnt what is this i need help

 

 

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WELL SWEETHEART IT IS NOT YOU THAT NEEDS THE HELP. IF YOUR HUSBAND WOULD RATHER MASTERBATE THAN HAVE SEX WITH YOU, HE HAS A DEFINATE PROBLEM WITH ASSOCIATING YOU WITH SEX. MAYBE IF YOU BOTH WERE TO MASTERBATE TOGETHER AND SEE IF IT LEADS TO MORE INTIMATE SEX WITH YOU TWO. I HAVE AT TIMES BEEN IN THE SITUATION WHERE THE SPARK HAS GONE OUT AND YOU NEED THAT RELEASE. ADD SOME FIRE TO THE RELATIONSHIP AND DO SOME THINGS THAT WILL MAKE HIM WANT TO INCLUDE YOU IN HIS PLAYTIME WITH HIMSELF. TEN YEARS CAN MAKE YOU GET INTO A RUT WITH THE SEX LIFE AND YOU NEED SOME CHANGE TO HELP DRAW HIM BACK TO YOU. AS BIZARRE AS IT MAY SOUND, SOME COUPLES HAVE BROUGHT OTHERS INTO THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND IT HAS MADE IT STRONGER, NOT ONLY WHEN THEY ARE WITH OTHERS BUT WHEN THEY ARE ALONE. JUST A THOUGHT.

 

 

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Caroline, I am so sorry, that you made the comment that you made. I respect your opinion. But please understand, because you are married(whether you masturbate or not)men and women alike do fantisize about others. You don't need to be masturbating to do this. I think it's sad that you can take such a beautiful gift that God has given to the human spirit to begin with and make judgements. What happened to I shall not judge. Yeah...I know. Love the sinner hate the sin right...Wouldn't it be funny if we could just for one day be in our spouses mind to see what they are thinking. When you love someone and are commited to that person for the rest of your life you find ways to talk things out and respect each others decisions. What a couple does on their own time is theirs for them to decide and yes certain decisions can alter a relationship, but in the end it is between them and God isn't it. It is not for us to sit here and judge. And I don't want to sound like I am doing the same to you, I just thought I could voice my opinion also and have it respected like I respect yours....

 

 

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Everything conflicts with people that concider themselves religious.. You see if you dont believe the way they do your an outcast . Between you and me I bet these people have alot of crap to cover up . They think they will get into heaven if they down you.. I've done alot of goofy stuff in my time but nothing I need to ask for forgiveness.. These people are afraid so they go to church.

 

 

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i think masturbation is one of the most erotic and fullfilling activities a man or woman can share with one another...

 

 

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You know I would like to contribute on the "masturbation- alright with god" conversation and masturbation is alright to do because it is apart of nature. If god were to think masturbation was a sin, then why are we all able to do it? When you have sex, don't you cum? Is that not masturbation all you are doing it rubbing your penis in a hole or a hole being rubbed by a penis? So everyone has masturbated if you have had sex or just ejaculated. If that was a sin, we all are going to (you know where)

 

 

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I am a 23yr old male from Great Britain. I have been masterbating since I was 12, i find it a very erotic and personnal experience. To have my hands around 'myself' and be in control of my own sexual desire is great. I believe that it should be more widely talked about, as it is nothing to be ashamed of. it just shows that you understand your own desire's

 

 

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I'm Histrian (29) and I do not share autor's point of wiew. I never really liked masturbation, there was no sense of guilt because I was born in very liberal family but I did feel some sort of weakness mental and physical and even sadness every time after I did it as a young teenager. I always thought that genuine sexuality was something profound and powerfull, an act of love and confidence between two persons, not just act of friendship and mutual sympathy. Not some silly game,"friendly" sharing your body with every girl I found attractive and then calling this jumping from bed to bed "erotic friendship". I never found it noble, it is shallow relationship and since I know that sexuality is something very spiritual and mystical I firmly believe that it takes a long years of sincere devotion, loyality and true spiritual friendship and dedication to one and only partner,the one you have chosen wisely. Then it becomes unselfish and truly beautiful. Than it transcends this physical reality, feelings arouse from a dephts, from a spiritual heart and you will not even think about changing your partner. You cannot just leave your body peacefully and break every bond at time of your death. It can be done only gradually through many years of spiritualizing and even divinization of your sexuality. It is something that must be transcended but it can be done only through such unselfish and intelligent attitude. Many "friends" will not do. They may bring relaxation and even intoxicaton but love will remain a distant cry for many lives to come. There are many levels of sexuality and you will never be able to reach the higher one unless you are willing to sacrifice some of physical enjoyement and "happy go lucky" attidude in one's sexuall life. I don't think that masturbation is sinfull act just wasting your energy that could be put in somethimg much more meaningfull and even more joyfull but promiscuity and changing sexuall partners surely is an act of shallow personality and you may even call it a sin against your true spiritual nature. I met many such persons and they all have something in common. As if they work under the same program, some strange lack of individuality, depht and inner strenght. Read Yogananda , you will find many beautifull thoughts on Relationships and sexuality in his book "Divine romance"

 

 

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Sorry, I forgot to enter my e-mail in a case you want to discuss this topic. (Histrian) neno@kickboxing.com

 

 

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i love to do it it feels so good ... but is there any other way to masterbate nick nlatino89

 

 

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I thought there was something wrong with masturbation for many years, coming from a strong Catholic background. But I came to a conclusion right before I met my husband. All these years I felt guilty not only because of my religion, but also because I felt that sex was something that should be shared with two people in love. I was also ashamed of my body because of my weight and hadn't had but a few dates because of that. Then I moved to an area where it seemed like guys liked their women big. That need for love/intimacy coupled with my own low self esteem led to many, and I mean MANY, experiences I don't even want to remember, too many local beds who knew the weight of my body. This led me to think, what was worse? The feeling of shame as I guiltily washed my own sticky fingers, or looking at myself in a mirror that's not my own in a bathroom that's not mine but belongs to some guy whose only claim to fame was getting me wasted the night before? What was the bigger sin? Then I met my husband, a wonderful man who opened my eyes to many things. We masturbate together and it's an amazing, spiritual thing between us. I cannot masturbate and think of other people, it's just not good to me. Even when hubby's not there his handsome face is as I bring myself off. Don't get me wrong, I've been guilty of the sin of daydreaming of another guy, but I know I'd never follow up on that. When it comes down to business my man's the only one. When I hurt my back I couldn't bear alot of weight on me and our sex life suffered, so I suggested perhaps him seeing other women that I approved of. We've tried this a few times and it's enhanced our marriage, not because of having another person there but because we share our thoughts and what the other person can teach us about each other from another point of view. For 4 of the 7 years we've been together we've tried this yet not often, and because of our honesty we don't need to do it much, even though with my bad back and now complications from diabetes I have almost no sex drive. He masturbates several times a week, sometimes with me watching or giving him something to read/watch, or letting him view my body, sometimes by himself with a movie or on the net. And once every few months he'll bring a girlfriend over for a night or weekend, with my knowledge and blessing. We're closer than ever and the few times I actually do have the urge sex for us is amazing. So I DO strongly encourage anyone having probs to look at alternatives, but WITHIN YOUR MARRIAGE!! Cheating's not the answer! Be honest, open, and together in your decisions. If you can't do this, then the two of you need to have a long discussion on why you're still together. Not saying that if the sex is bad, dump your spouse, but usually, by the time the problems hit the bedroom, chances are they've LONG been present in other areas of the relationship. Just my two cents, and my opinion only.

 

 

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I have a question forthe public to answer? my girlfriend is 16 and im 22, were legally married since statutiry rape dosent exist in california to married couples is it still wrong to have a girlfriend so young?

 

 

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I am a male of 56 years old and married for 29 years. My wife is 3 years younger. We would have sex often until my wife reached 40 and then things just went south. Thank goodnes I love to take matters into my oun hands. I love to masterbate and my erection can last for an hour or more. When my wife and I had sex it would last just as long. I love the act of sex itself.I love to masterbate to porn videos, internet pics and movies. I love to watch younger women masterbate, but I really enjoy the older women 0f 40 to 60. When I have an orgasms it is very intense and gratifying. Masterbation keeps me sane. It is like my tranquilizer since I don't drink or smoke.

 

 

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I am a male of 56 years old and married for 29 years. My wife is 3 years younger. We would have sex often until my wife reached 40 and then things just went south. Thank goodnes I love to take matters into my oun hands. I love to masterbate and my erection can last for an hour or more. When my wife and I had sex it would last just as long. I love the act of sex itself.I love to masterbate to porn videos, internet pics and movies. I love to watch younger women masterbate, but I really enjoy the older women 0f 40 to 60. When I have an orgasms it is very intense and gratifying. Masterbation keeps me sane. It is like my tranquilizer since I don't drink or smoke.

 

 

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I am 44 years old. I live with a man who has a hard time getting an erection, yet he wants me to stroke him. It turns me off that he is limp. I get nothing from him. It is always this way and me on top. Nothing else. It is like dry sex, he doesn't do anything for me to make me wet. I fantasize about an old boyfriend and self pleasure myself. Finally I have made the decision to leave him and am getting back together with my old boyfriend.

 

 

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hey..im 15 and i like to masterbate but doing it the same way all the time gets boring..what are some fun things i can do to make it interesting..

 

 

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my name is shantenise i m deaf and i m 15 i have been maturbate since i was like 5 or 6 yrs old... i still enjoyed it....also i love it when my boyfriend masturbate me...lol anywayz i really enjoyed all those comments!!

 

 

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I am sixteen and I think that masturbation is wrong. I think masturbation is a form of adultry. When you're masturbating you're thinking of things that you want to have that you lust after. And what you're thinking can't be about your spouse because if it were you wouldn't have to masterbate. Nowhere in the bible does GOD say that masterbation is accepted. I personally don't like hearing of old people talking about their only means of pleasure is masterbation. GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

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In response to the 16 yr old who does not like to hear old people that masturebate. First of all anyone older then 30 at your age is older then dirt. Second, lets see how you feel about it when you really start to get the urge when you met that person who you really like to be with. You did not mention your sex. But that does not matter because the feeling are the same. I do respect your opinion and it is a good one. But do you thiink of your own parents never masturbating or even your grand parents? I think you have to give it a little thought. Men and women of all ages do it. Masturebation is not dirty but a part of life. As far as getting a life, befor you make any coments get all the facts first!!!!!!

 

 

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To 22 yr old married to the 16 yr old. Do you love her? Is love in your partnership? Do you and her plan on having a real wedding? If the answer is yes then you treat her right and God will look after you both. In the older days girls as young as 12 and 13 were married to much older men. Now the law says that you can't in some places. If you love her be good to her and everything should turn out ok.

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My fiance is very uncomfortable with masturbation and I really like it. I too only think of him when I am doing it and would like to share it with him, but he refuses to open up to this. His mind is open to other things that confuse me and he is also uncomfortable with doing it to himself. Can someone please help me to open his mind to this? That story had some great stuff in it. Although I do agree with some points, from personal expeirience bringing outside people into a relationship is not always healthy. Be careful. (sometimes you get more than you bargain for)If ypu love the person you are with you should be able to share anything with them good or bad and vice-versa. Love is in the heart and soul and should be very appreciated.(missligiea@charter.net)

 

The above was excerpted with permission from Betty Dodson's book, "Sex For One: The Joy Of Self Loving", ©1987, published by Crown Publishers, Inc., 201 East 50th St, New York 10022.

 

About The Author

 

BETTY DODSON, artist, author, and sex educator, has been a public advocate for women's sexual liberation for two decades. She is an international author of sexual self-help and will soon receive a Ph.D. from the Institute for Human Sexuality. Betty can be reached at: 121 Madison Ave., New York 10016.

This article was

excerpted from

"Sex For One: The Joy of Self Loving" by Betty Dodson.

 

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