Christians Talking About Sex

Christians Talking About Sex

CHRISTIAN SEXUAL ETHICS  Whats Right  What's Wrong And Why

CHRISTIAN SEXUAL ETHICS - What's Right? What's Wrong? And Why?

Christians Talking About: Polyamory, Swinging, Polygamy, Nudism, Adam and Eve... Join the discussion!


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Part of   http://christianstalkingaboutsex.blogspot.comThanks for visiting my site. Here's why I

The focus of this site is Christian sexual ethics from a biblical perspective. What's Right? What's Wrong? And Why?

Some Christians are probably scratching their heads. "What's there to talk about? When it comes to Christian sexual ethics, every Christian already knows what's right and what's wrong. Sex belongs in marriage between one husband and one wife; everything else is simply wrong."

The average Christian thinks of Christian sexual ethics and Christian morals in the following terms:

Fornication is a biblical term referring to premarital sex. Adultery is a biblical term referring to extramarital sex. The Bible defines thinking about having either extramarital or premarital sex as lust, which was strictly prohibited by Jesus. Once we get to Heaven, both sex and marriage will come to a grinding halt. But not to worry because once we get beyond the Pearly Gates, we'll be so enamoured by the Beatific Vision, we won't even think about having sex.

Please don't misunderstand. I'm certain that the Beatific Vision will be spectacular, beyond anything we can possibly imagine. Neither am I implying that there is no such thing as sexual sin or that sexual sin is not a serious matter. What I am saying is, Christians - both now and throughout history - have disagreed on precisely what sexual sin is and why it is wrong. There are varying opinions on exactly what is the Bible's teaching on sex. Understanding sex in the Bible can be a daunting undertaking. Furthermore, not all Christians believe there is no sex in Heaven. A prime example is Billy Graham, who had this to say on Larry King Live:

"If sex is necessary for our happiness and fulfillment, it'll be there." (December 25, 1998)

Although many other Christians agree with Dr. Graham on this matter, the vast majority believe Heaven is a sex-free environment.

By challenging the status quo, I don't mean to suggest that Christians should be cavalier about sexual matters. But neither should we be legalistic or lean too far to the right. The key concern should be: "What is the truth?" Perhaps the church has stumbled in the fog regarding sexual ethics for so long because, as Jack Nicholson so aptly put it in the movie A Few Good Men, we "can't handle the truth!" (If you're not familiar with that famous scene, see the VIDEO clip in right side panel.)

There are many complex questions about right and wrong and Christian sexual ethics that sincere Christians with differing views have grappled with for centuries. is a site dedicated to helping Christians discover the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth regarding Christian sexual ethics and Christian morals... regardless of what that truth happens to be. Or, as the TV crime drama CSI (Crime Scene Investigation) puts it, "going wherever the evidence leads us." hopes to accomplish this through an exchange of meaningful dialogue, plus an appeal to both common sense and reason, with an appeal to Scripture as the final court of arbitration.

Philip Yancey is a Christian author who has sold over fourteen million books worldwide, making him one of the best-selling Christian authors of all time. Yancey was an editor for Christianity Today for many years. According to Yancey:

"I know of no greater failure among Christians than in presenting a persuasive approach to sexuality. Outside the church, people think of God as the great spoilsport of human sexuality, not its inventor." (Holy Sex: How it ravishes our souls, article from Christianity Today, posted 10/01/2003 12:00 am)

Yancy points out that authorities in the early church issued edicts forbidding married couples to have sex on certain days of the week. Sex was banned on Thursdays because it was the day of Christ's arrest. Sex was forbidden on Fridays, the day of his death; on Saturdays, in honor of the Blessed Virgin; and on Sundays in honor of the departed saints. Wednesdays sometimes made the list too, as did the 40-day fast periods before Easter, Christmas, and Pentecost, and also feast days and days of the Apostles, as well as the days of female impurity. The list escalated until, as John Boswell has estimated, only 44 days of the year remained available for marital sex (Ibid.). Most modern Christians would recoil at such tyrannical legalism. Imagine having church authorities forbidding married couples to have sex every day of the year except for 44. According to Dr. Allan C. Carlson, Ph. D. :

"In the early years of sixteenth-century Europe, the Church claimed about twenty-five percent of the adult population in celibate orders. One of every four adults served as a priest or resided in a convent or monastery, complete with vows of chastity." (A Revolutionary Theology of Sex: Martin Luther on Sex, Marriage and Family - July 2, 2004)

Luther harshly criticised the church's stance against married couples enjoying sex. And as a result of the Protestant Reformation, husbands and wives were no longer regarded as second-class citizens, inferior to monks and nuns. Attitudes toward sex began to shift. Later, in the 18th and 19th centuries, secular revolutions swept across Europe. The church was no longer regarded as the guardian of sexual ethics. Nevertheless, in England and America, Victorians brought back an ethic of repression, to the extent where the legs of furniture were covered in order to prevent the arousal of impure thoughts. These lessons from history should remind us that our church leaders are not always right regarding sex; especially regarding sex. Yet many modern church leaders have told me that Christians should not be allowed to discuss such matters because it's too dangerous. I disagree.

We Welcome Your Comments!

Each web page includes a chat room near the bottom. There is also a comment button at the end of every post. This site is meant to be interactive. I encourage your comments and feedback, as long as those comments represent a Christian perspective. I welcome both compliments and criticism, as long as that criticism is meant to be constructive. If your comments are good enough, I may even dedicate an entire web page to your comments. Make sure that all comments are thoughtful and respectful of others. Please stay on topic. And absolutely no profanity.

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Some pages include surveys. Please participate in our surveys. Your opinion counts!

About Me

Hi. My name is Tom Gruber. (To read more about me, CLICK HERE.) I make no claims to infallibility. But as a student of the Bible and someone who has been searching scrupulously for sound answers for a long, long time, I recognize numerous problems and inconsistencies with many of the church's current positions on Christian sexual ethics.

The Ethics of Polygamy: Why The Polygamy Issue Is Important

This site is NOT primarily about the ethics of polygamy. But the polygamy issue is critically important for a number of reasons.

For those involved in missions, how we view the ethics of polygamy effects how we do missions. What does a missionary tell a new convert who also happens to be a polygamist? Must he divorce all his wives but one?

Though I am concerned with missions, my primary concern is how this issue spills over into other areas of Christian sexual ethics. In my judgment, the Achilles heel of the "sex only within marriage" position is that many godly men in the Bible had numerous wives and concubines. Some claim that men like Abraham and David were either stupid, rebellious, or ignorant. I disagree. Contrary to popular opinion, there is no explicit indication in Scripture that God ever disapproved of polygamy. If polygamy really is a sin, as many claim, it certainly seems peculiar that God didn't simply get straight to the point and tell those polygamists, "Hey guys, c'mon - get with the program. Polygamy is a sin!"

Although the majority of Christians throughout history have taken the position that polygamy is a sin, many giants of the faith, like Luther, Augustine, and Aquinas, have stated that nothing in the Bible forbids it. Christians are still divided on the issue of polygamy today. According to one survey on the ethics of polygamy created on 8/20/2006 by, a reformed website, as of July 27, 2007, out of 973 total votes, though 37% believed that polygamy has always been sinful, 20% believed polygamy was permitted in the Old Testament but is now sinful under the new covenant. Furthermore, 10% believed polygamy is not sinful, but is unwise as it is not God's ideal of one man and one woman for life. Another 21% believed polygamy has always been allowed by God, just like celibacy and monogamy. And 7% believed polygamy is the Bible's preferred form of marriage. The rest had no opinion. So even though 37% believed that polygamy has always been sinful, which is probably the majority opinion held by Christianity at large, 58% disagreed with that statement in one form or another. This survey illustrates the diversity of opinions held even among conservative reformed Christians.

While doing my research on the ethics of polygamy, I've probably heard most if not all the arguments on all sides of this controversial and complex issue. I've come to the conclusion that it can be demonstrated, beyond a reasonable doubt, that polygamy is not necessarily a sin. But only to those who have eyes to see and ears to listen. Nevertheless, there needs to be much more interaction and dialogue from all sides of this complex, controversial issue.

So if it is true that "Polygamy is not a sin," then the statement "All sexual intercourse outside of a monogamous heterosexual marriage is a sin" must be false. Common sense and logic dictates that both statements cannot be true at the same time in the same sense. Furthermore, if polygamy really is an ethical option for Christians, a torrential floodgate is now opened wide, allowing numerous other complex and thorny questions to crash through. Such questions include:

Precisely when is sex a sin? How do we define sexual sin?
Precisely what is sex?

For example, was President Clinton "really" having sex with Monica Lewinsky? How far is too far?

Precisely what is marriage? Are couples living together without a legal document "really married" in the eyes of God?
When and why was marriage instituted? Was marriage instituted before or after the Fall?

What does it mean to be married to Christ? Is our marriage to Christ figurative, literal, or both? Why does it matter?

Are there other moral options besides marital monogamy and single celibacy?

The Ethics of Swinging & The Ethics of Polyamory

Are alternative lifestyles, such as swinging and polyamory, reconcilable with Christianity? Precisely what is the Bible teaching on sex?

The ethics of swinging and the ethics of polyamory are just a few of the many ethical conundrums we'll be grappling with. One thing I've learned, from years of research, is simply this: sex is complex.

Because the ethics of polygamy strikes squarely at the root of the tree, I've devoted a considerable amount of space on this site grappling with this issue, analyzing in depth all the various pros and cons in light of the Bible teaching on sex. It will be up to my visitors to determine for themselves which position is correct.

Two Other Major Issues Dealt With Here

In addition to the ethics of polygamy, there are two other questions that I've devote much space to. They are:

1. Original Sin and the Forbidden Fruit: What Was the Sin of Adam and Eve?
2. The Ethics of Nudism:
Does the Bible condone nudism?

Original Sin and the Forbiden Fruit: What Was The Sin Of Adam And Eve?

You may be wondering, "What does original sin, the forbidden fruit, and the sin of Adam and Eve have to do with Christian sexual ethics?" The answer is, what Adam and Eve did way back in Eden affects everything we do today, both sexually and otherwise. I make the case that not only are we to recapture Paradise by the way we live, but that sex would have been a whole lot better, both quantitatively and qualitatively, if Adam and Eve hadn't misbehaved.

The Ethics of Nudism: Does The Bible Condone Nudism?

I've also spent a considerable amount of space on the ethics of nudism. Although this subject does not directly relate to Christian sexual ethics, it does relate indirectly.

Other Relevant Topics

Other relevant topics that will be upcoming include:

How serious is the threat of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases?

Is it okay to be gay? Since I myself am neither gay nor bi-sexual, this subject does not pertain to me personally. Therefore, I have no ax to grind. But I am familiar with the pros and cons. It is important to be familiar with all the arguments on both sides, regardless of one's position.

Why were the Church Fathers so negative about sex?

Are humans naturally monogamous?

Why So Much Confusion Over Sex?

Ask a dozen people what they believe is acceptable sexual behavior, and you just might get a dozen different answers. Even in Christian circles, where the Bible teaching on sex is accepted, there is a widespread diversity of opinion.

Perhaps this is to be expected. After all, there are many questions about human sexuality that the Bible simply doesn't answer, at least not explicitly. Furthermore, the Bible was written thousands of years ago in a culture radically different from ours. Lastly, there are numerous ways for sincere Christians to interpret the Bible's teaching on sex.

How Do Christian Sexual Rules Apply Today?

So how should modern-day Bible-believers apply the moral principles found in Holy Writ to today's ever-changing cultural climate? This site is dedicated to allowing various views to be heard, while maintaining that there there is a such thing as ultimate truth. For Christians, the Bible is a trustworthy foundation of all truth; but the Bible teaching of sex must be interpreted and applied properly. Only then can a book written thousand of years ago have relevance to our world today.

Why My Opinions Matter

This site obviously reflects my own opinions, though I try to be fair to those who disagree with me. Although I certainly make no claims to infallibility, I also want the reader to know that my opinions are the result of much study, prayer, and reflection. Therefore, I believe my opinions have value, if for no other reason than to challenge the thinking of others. To be sure, some of my opinions are very controversial. My purpose, however, is not to stir up controversy but to cause people to think and hopefully engage in meaningful dialogue.

I've often been told I need to recant my opinions. In fact, as recently as December 15, 2007, I was told by the pastor of a church I used to attend that I am not welcome in their fellowship unless I remove my website from the Internet. I assure you, I will not be bullied by such tyrants, although I do respect the pastor's concern to protect his flock. There are several other churches that also do not want me to darken their corridors. God forbid, we don't want people to think, now do we?

In response to such strong-arm tactics, consider the life and words of Martin Luther, the great Protestant reformer. Luther's views were condemned as heresy by Pope Leo III in the bull Exsurge Domine in 1520. Luther was then summoned to either renounce or reaffirm his views at the Diet of Worms on April 17, 1521. When Luther appeared before the assembly, Johann von Eck, the assistant to the Archbishop of Trier, acted as spokesman for Emperor Charles the Fifth. He presented Luther copies of his writings. He asked Luther if he still believed what these works taught. Luther requested time to think about his answer and he was granted an extension. After praying and consulting with friends and mediators, Luther appeared before the Diet the following day.

The counselor put the same question to Luther. Luther apologized for the harsh tone of many of his writings. Nevertheless, Luther said he would not reject the majority of his writings. Luther respectfully but boldly stated:

"Unless I am convinced by proofs from Scriptures or by plain and clear reasons and arguments, I cannot and will not retract, for it is neither safe nor wise to do anything against conscience. Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me. Amen."

In 2001, I published a book through Trafford Publishing entitled:
What the Bible "REALLY" says about... SEX: A New Look at Sexual Ethics from a Biblical Perspective. Here are a few of the key points:

Marriage, as we know it, was instituted after the Fall as a result of the Fall.

There are two kinds of sex:
responsible sex and irresponsible sex. Sex outside of marriage can be and usually is irresponsible... but not necessarily.

I believe that alternative lifestyles, such as swinging and polyamory, are neither moral nor immoral; they are amoral. I believe they can be practiced responsibly and therefore, they are not sinful per se. I also believe that there is sex in Heaven. In fact, I believe there is polyamorous sex in Heaven.

These ideas have been met with great resistance in the Christian community. I still believe much, if not most, of what I believed back in 2001. Like Luther, I confess that some of my writings in the past contained a "harsh, in your face, I know I'm right and anybody who disagrees with me is a total moron" tone. Like Luther, I apologize to anyone who may have been offended by my writings. I'm trying to improve by being more respectful of those who disagree with me. I'm trying to be more diplomatic. Nevertheless, like Luther, I cannot reject the majority of my writings. Like Luther, I respectfully but boldly declare:

"Unless I am convinced by proofs from Scriptures or by plain and clear reasons and arguments, I cannot and will not retract, for it is neither safe nor wise to do anything against conscience. Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me. Amen."

I am constantly refining my beliefs and subjecting them to rigid scrutiny. Again, I make no claims to infallibility. I'm simply a sinner saved by grace seeking answers to questions that most Christians are afraid to ask and unwilling to grapple with. If that is a sin, then I am guilty as charged. Ultimately, I believe the Bible is the final court of arbitration for all Christians. For this reason, is a Christian site dedicated to seeking the truth regarding sexual ethics.

I Respect Those Who Disagree With Me

Also, it should be noted that sometimes I will quote a theologian to support my opinions and sometimes I will quote the same theologian in order to refute his position. Sometimes I will quote the same theologian to show points of agreement, as well as points of disagreement. I mean no disrespect, either to theologians of the past or theologians of the present. As an example, I have enormous respect for the following modern theologians: R.C. Sproul, John MacArthur, Hank Hanegraaff, Randy Alcorn, and Billy Graham. I have learned a great deal from these men and I owe them an enormous debt of gratitude. Usually I agree with them. But sometimes I don't, and I'm not afraid to say so. I doubt if there is anyone on planet earth that I agree with on everything. Nevertheless, I believe the issues I'll be tackling are important. Hopefully, you feel the same way.

A Few Famous Quotes

Let me conclude this introductory portion by quoting Martin Luther and Bobby Kennedy.

Martin Luther said:

"Peace if possible, truth at all costs."

Robert F. Kennedy said:

"Some men see things as they are and ask 'Why?' I dream of things that never were and ask 'Why not?' " is a Christian site dedicated to seeking the truth regarding Christian sexual ethics, while creating a passionate vision of the way things ought to be. Hopefully, you'll share this vision and the passion will be contagious.

Let the conversation begin!


All comments are welcomed and appreciated, as long as those comments are thoughtful, constructive, and reflect a Christian perspective. Please, no profanity. And be respectful of others. Also, please stay on the topic. Chatrooms and comment buttons are located after each post. Enjoy!






If you could ask Jesus just one question, what would that question be? There is no doubt in my mind what that question would be for me because it is a question that has bothered me for thirty some years. In fact, to me, this question was so important that I recently published a book with that one question as the title. The one question I would ask Jesus, and in fact, have been asking Jesus for over thirty years now, is simply this: "Is there sex in Heaven?"

Although it is true that the majority of Christians dogmatically assert that Heaven is a sex-free zone reserved exclusively for celestial monks and nuns, there is, nevertheless, a sizable minority that believe there IS... or at least might be... lovemaking in the afterlife. For example, I personally have spoken with at least three different pastors right here in Columbus, Ohio who have informed me that they believe, like me, that there will be sex in the afterlife. Two of them are reformed pastors.

Consider what Billy Graham had to say on Larry King Live:


"If sex [in Heaven] is necessary for our fulfillment, it'll be there."


In my book, I devote a chapter to each of the top reasons why most people claim that there is no sexual intercourse beyond the grave, giving the pros and cons. Those reasons include:

1. This question is unknowable
2. This question is unimportant; we'll see when we get there
2. We won't have physical bodies in Heaven
3. We won't be male or female in the afterlife
4. The Beatific Vision will be so spectacular that sex will no longer be important
5. Since there won't be any breeding in Heaven, there will be no need for sex
6. Since we'll be married to Jesus, sex would be sinful
7. Sex is too earthly to be heavenly
8. Jesus said there is no sex in Heaven. And since sex outside of marriage is always a sin, then there cannot possibly be sex in Heaven.

My position is that each of these assertions can easily be refuted. I will not take the time to do that here, but I have dealt with all of these claims extensively in my new book. For now, let me deal briefly with the claim that Jesus said there is no sex in Heaven.


So did Jesus really rule out the possibility of lovemaking in the afterlife? The verse commonly quoted to support this claim is found in all three of the synoptic gospels. In Luke's gospel, Luke 20 verses 34 and 35, Jesus said:


“The people of this age marry and are given in marriage. But those who are considered worthy of taking part in that age and in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage."


So the logic seems as simple as ABC. A: There will be no marriage in the resurrection. B: Sex outside of marriage is a sin. Therefore C: There will not be sex in Heaven.

But notice closely; Jesus said nothing whatsoever about either sex or Heaven. The words "sex" and "Heaven" are not even used. Furthermore, the Sadducees who asked him the question which prompted his response were not even interested in whether or not there would be sex in Heaven. In fact, their main objective was to make Jesus look like a total dunce in front of the crowds because they did not believe that there was a such thing as a resurrection. They thought the scenario they cooked up about a woman with seven consecutive husbands would prove that only a fool could believe in a resurrection. Just imagine: a woman is resurrected along with her seven ex-husbands. Whose wife would she be? This question probably stumped the Pharisees and they thought they now had Jesus between a rock and a hard place.

No such luck. Jesus used the story of Moses and the burning bush to make a case for the resurrection from the dead because the Sadducees only considered the first five books of the Bible authoritative.

Quoting Exodus, Jesus referred to God as the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to make his case for a resurrection. Jesus said that God was not the God of the dead but the God of the living. "But how," you may ask, "did this story prove anything about a resurrection from the dead? Sure, Abraham is in Heaven, but he certainly isn't resurrected. Or is he? Furthermore, doesn't this contradict the biblical teaching that the resurrection from the dead is a future event that will not take place until the Second Coming when Christ returns?"

This is a difficult puzzle. But I like puzzles. I guess that's why I like chess. I believe that all the pieces of this complex jigsaw puzzle fit together logically and biblically. Hopefully, I have succeeded in the task of solving this puzzle during the course of writing my book. When understood properly, I do not believe there is any logical or biblical reason to rule out sex in Heaven. I do NOT believe Heaven is a sex-free monastery or a celibate convent reserved exclusively for celestial monks and nuns.


Preview new book Is There Sex In Heaven? for FREE. CLICK HERE.

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Is There SEX In Heaven? A Biblical Case for Lovemaking in the Afterlife

Christian sexual ethics, sex in afterlife, lovemaking in afterlife, sex in Bible, Bible teaching sex, is there sex in Heaven, swinging, C.S. Lewis, Augustine, Peter Kreeft, Billy Graham

Is There Sex In Heaven? Muslims say yes. Most Christians say no. Billy Graham says maybe. What’s the answer? Tom Gruber takes a provocative look at the “lovemaking in the afterlife” controversy.

Is there sex in Heaven? Mormons and Muslims say yes. Most mainstream Christians say no. What’s the answer?

I’m reminded of a cartoon from a popular men’s magazine. Near the entryway at the Pearly Gates, a sign was prominently posted: WELCOME TO HEAVEN: YOUR ETERNAL SEX-FREE HOME! The new arrival was downcast. “What’s wrong?” Saint Pete asked. “I’m no monk,” the man replied. “Neither do I aspire to become one. Any chance of getting a one-way ticket to Hell instead?”

I’ll never forget that cartoon because it expressed exactly how I felt at the time. It was the swinging seventies. I was 25 and still a virgin. I had witnessed the woman of my dreams become the lawfully wedded wife of someone other than myself─not once, not twice, but three times. Love stunk! Isn’t it ironic?

The thought-provoking lyrics of a popular Tina Turner tune got my wheels turning in overdrive. I asked myself, “What DOES love got to do with it?” In my college days, I had turned down numerous sexual opportunities because I was saving myself for my wedding night. Now, I began to question the whole institution of marriage. Like Mae West, I had nothing against the institution; I simply didn’t feel ready to confine myself to an institution. So I dived headlong into the swinging scene. Since then, I’ve had some fantastic sex with hundreds of women. During most of this time, I felt like what I was doing was wrong, but I was having way too much fun to quit.

Then one fine day, in the cool of the evening, in the heat of a hot tub somewhere in a Sin City Swinger’s Club, a lady who claimed to be both a Christian and a Bible expert introduced me to the idea that swinging is not necessarily a sin. The things she was saying made sense. I wanted to believe her, but it went against the grain of everything I had been taught. Years later, after much thought, prayer, and research, I reached the conclusion that she was right. I enthusiastically proclaimed my newfound utopian ideology to anyone who would listen. Most Christians thought I was a heretical lunatic.

Since then, I’ve refined my arguments. Most Christians still think I am a heretical lunatic. As a result, I’ve been bounced from one church group to another. I still may not be able to prove my position beyond a shadow of a doubt, but over the years, I have compiled an avalanche of compelling evidence.

I’m now persuaded, beyond a reasonable doubt, that there is sex in Heaven. And although I am in a small minority, I’m not the only one. Several pastors here in Columbus, Ohio also believe in sex in the afterlife; two of them are reformed. According to Billy Graham, “People say that the Bible teaches there's no sex in Heaven. If sex is necessary for our happiness and fulfillment, it'll be there.”

I’ve just published a new book through entitled Is There SEX In Heaven? A Biblical Case for Lovemaking in the Afterlife. In the book, I examine the main reasons why most Christians reject the idea of sex in the hereafter. Those reasons are:

1. Arguments from apathy: wondering about sex in Heaven is irrelevant.

Many, when asked if they believe in sex after death, give glib responses. “We’ll see when we get to Heaven!” Or, “We shouldn’t speculate on such things.”
Although worrying about sex in Heaven─or worrying about anything, for that matter─is probably not the best use of one’s time, sex in Heaven is important because sex on earth is important; at least to most people. So it’s logical that people should have a natural curiosity about such things. But the dogma of many top theologians who insist that there cannot possibly be sex in Heaven has done much to squelch our natural curiosity. C.S. Lewis asserted that we are forbidden to even consider the possibility of sex in Heaven. In my judgment, such dogma has been a stumbling block and a source of great discouragement to countless multitudes. Lewis and others have often compared having sex with eating candy. Yet sex is way more important to the average adult than candy is to most kiddies; it’s not even in the same ballpark. In Chapter 1 of my book, I establish that even though answering our concerns about intercourse in the hereafter is not essential to us getting there, it is vital for other significant reasons.

2. The experts can’t be wrong.

Actually, sometimes experts are wrong; just look at church history. Augustine, regarded by many as the greatest Bible expert of all time, considered it sinful to enjoy sex─even if you’re married and are trying to make a baby. This is just one of many examples that could be given. We now live in a day and age where many people want to let the experts do their thinking for them. In fact, even some of the experts seem to want to let other experts do their thinking for them. Case in point: I cannot count the number of times I’ve heard people parrot the sexual opinions of C.S. Lewis without really thinking them through. Yes, Lewis was a great theologian. But, in my opinion, there were numerous flaws in his interpretations of sex in Heaven. Christians should not rule out heavenly coupling simply because the majority of Bible experts have taken that position. I don’t question the motives of any of those experts. I believe most of them are sincere. I respect them, and I agree with much of what they have to say. Nevertheless, no expert is omniscient or infallible.

I don’t mean to rain on the parade of all the so-called experts. But since I do find many fatal flaws in their arguments, for the greater good, I feel a responsibility to speak out. It’s understandable that many would take the word of these experts over someone like me. So in Chapter 2 of my book, I give examples of the dogma of a few experts, expose the holes in some of their logic, and explain why yours truly, Tom Gruber, is credible.

3. We won’t have sex in Heaven because we won’t have physical bodies.

Two out of three Christians don't even believe that they will have physical bodies in the afterlife. It's difficult to imagine how it would be possible to have sex without having a physical body. Therefore, the purpose of Chapter 3 is to make a strong case for a physical, bodily resurrection of all believers.

4. We won’t have sex in Heaven because we’ll no longer be male and female.

Even among those who do believe in a physical bodily resurrection, there are those who don't believe our resurrected bodies will be gender specific. In other words, even if we will still have physical bodies, many believe the possibility of sexual intercourse is ruled out because our resurrected physical bodies will no longer be male or female.
In Chapter 4, I show that Galatians 3:28, which speaks of believers in Christ as being neither male nor female, is not referring to God making us androgynous in the afterlife. We will still be male and female in Heaven.

5. An end of breeding necessitates an end of sex in Heaven.

The Bible indicates that there probably won’t be any breeding going on in Heaven. Therefore, many have concluded there’s simply no point to having intercourse after we die. As Peter Kreeft puts it: “Earth is the breeding colony; Heaven is the homeland.” In Chapter 5, I demonstrate that an end to breeding does not necessitate an end of sex.
6. The Beatific Vision rules out sex

Many believe that once we get to Heaven, we’ll be so enamored by the Beatific Vision that we won’t even care about sex. Although I’m certain that the Beatific Vision will be spectacular, in Chapter 6, I demonstrate that the idea that the Beatific Vision will somehow cause us to mystically lose all interest in sex is both illogical and unbiblical.
7. Jesus said there is no sex in Heaven.

Actually, Jesus said no such thing; notwithstanding, many have interpreted His words this very way. The parallel accounts found in Matthew 22:23-33, Mark 12:18-27, and Luke 20:27-38 have been used to rule out the possibility of sex in Heaven more than all other passages in the Bible combined. In fact, they are the only passages of Scripture that even hint at the remote possibility that there may not be sex in Heaven. My task is to put these passages in their proper perspective, taking into account the cultural context within which they were written. By putting the words of Jesus under the electron microscope of rigid scrutiny, my job is to help the reader determine, as precisely as possible, what Jesus actually meant when He put the Sadducees in their place and proclaimed a cessation of marriage in the resurrection. Since the proper understanding of these passages is one of the main keys to answering our question concerning sex in the afterlife, much space is devoted in Chapter 7 to giving these words of our Lord proper consideration.

8. A cessation of marriage in Heaven can only be understood biblically as an end to all sexual relations in the afterlife because all sex outside of marriage is, by definition, sinful─no exceptions.

Scripture emphatically tells us that some sexual activities are sinful. Sexual sins of any variety are clearly denounced in the Word of God. Yet even though sex outside of marriage can be, and often is, sinful, it is, nevertheless, a misnomer to define sexual sin as being synonymous with all sex outside of marriage. The Bible gives us a few exceptions to this rule, which is erroneously regarded by some as a universal absolute. Levirate marriage and polygamy are considered, as well as the sexually seductive relationship between Tamar and Judah. This begs the question: What is sexual sin and why is it wrong? Chapter 8 explores that question.

9. Our marriage to Jesus rules out sex in Heaven.

Since we’ll be married to Jesus in Heaven, many claim it would be sinful to simultaneously be married to anyone else, even a former spouse. In Chapter 9, I demonstrate that being married to Christ in no way makes it necessary to give up sex.

10. Sex is too earthly to be heavenly.

Many believe sex is too dirty to carry over into Heaven. Someone once said, “Sex is dirty; so save it for someone you love.” On the flip side, others believe sex in Heaven is too good to be true. In Chapter 10, I argue that sex in Heaven is too good not to be true. Furthermore, an absence of sex in Heaven simply makes no earthly sense.
Is there sex in Heaven? Since the Bible doesn’t answer this question directly, I cannot say for certain. However, as someone who has done extensive research on the subject, I believe a compelling case can be made for sex in Heaven. Giving up sex for lent is one thing; giving up sex for eternity is a hermeneutic of a different color.

That's my opinion. What's yours?

Author Tom Gruber writes on various topics relating to sexual ethics. His latest book is entitled Is There Sex In Heaven? published through Tom Gruber’s blog site is, which provides an interactive forum where Christians can express their opinions on a wide range of topics related to Christian sexual ethics. All thoughtful opinions are welcome!



Is There SEX In Heaven?


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Description: Does the Bible say Heaven is sex-free? Should Christians believe in heavenly lovemaking in the afterlife?

I recently published a book entitled Is There SEX In Heaven? through

The reason I wrote this book is because I was always taught that Heaven is a sex-free zone reserved exclusively for celestial monks and nuns. That was disturbing. Giving up sex for lent is one thing; giving up sex for eternity is a homiletic of an entirely different color.

I told a friend of mine that I was writing a book entitled Is There SEX In Heaven? He said, "I sure hope the answer is yes; otherwise, I wouldn't want to go there." I've heard others express similar sentiments. I, too, used to feel the exact same way for many years. But after doing my homework, I've come to the conclusion that most of the reasons most people give for a sex-free eternity do not hold water. That's because most of them are not even softballs; they're whiffle balls. Whiffle balls don't hold water.

But there are a couple of objections that seem like hard balls... at first.

  1. Jesus said there is no sex in Heaven. (Actually, Jesus said no such thing. I explain what Jesus "really" said; and what Jesus meant in my book.)
  2. Sex outside of marriage is a sin; no exceptions. (Actually, the Bible does give us a few exceptions, which I also explain in my book.)

I hope you'll check out my book on sex in the afterlife. After all, eternity without sex is kinda like coffee without a doughnut.

That's my opinion. What's yours?


Is There SEX In Heaven?

n this blog post, my goal is to articulate in broad brushstrokes, as precisely and concisely as possible, exactly what I believe regarding sexual ethics while simultaneously contrasting it with what Christianity at large currently believes.

Christianity's Current View of Sex In a Nutshell

First, here is what most (though certainly not all) Christians believe about sexual ethics. God made Adam and Eve - not Adam and Steve, or Adam, Eve, and Betty - because He intended to establish monogamous heterosexual marriage and the nuclear family as the idealistic human lifestyle for humanity. Therefore, sex belongs exclusively within a marriage between one woman and one wife; everything else is a sin. Sex prior to marriage is defined as "fornication"; extramarital sex after tying the knot is "adultery." Thinking about either fornication or adultery is "lust."

My View of Sex In a Nutshell

In sharp contrast with this view, here is what I believe. ADAM can refer to either the first man or mankind. EVE can also refer to either the first woman or EVEry woman, i.e. womankind. Therefore, the story of Adam and Eve is not only a story of one man and one woman, but it is also a story of humanity. Prior to The Fall, before our original parents ate the forbidden fruit, God intended mankind to be married to womankind. God's original desire was for every man to be married to every woman. Marriage, and therefore sex, was originally intended to be universally inclusive, not universally exclusive. Had Adam and Eve obeyed God, there would have been no need for most of the sexual restrictions found in the Bible.

So what happened? I believe eating the forbidden fruit was a metaphor. As the Talmud says, and as many early Jews believed, I am persuaded that the sin of our original parents was this: they engaged in an orgy with Satan and his demons. After this happened, Adam and Eve became "like gods" by acquiring the ability to procreate offspring. This is one reason why sexual limitations needed to be imposed. Adam and Eve "adulterated" both themselves and the human race by having sex with the devil. After acquiring procreative capacities via sex, if God had allowed women of biblical times to have sex with everyone, there would have been no way of accurately determining who beget who.

As for "fornication," I believe this term refers to the use of sex to worship idols, i.e. idolatry. This practice was common in both the Old and the New Testaments. Therefore, I believe that Sexual Utopia can be defined as many men expressing love to many women in a sexually responsible manner. I believe that polyamory, and to a certain extent perhaps swinging, can be a return to Eden. I have many reasons, beyond the scope of this blog post, to believe these things. However, as I promised, I have given you a precise, concise description of my position without launching into an elaborate dissertation. STAY TUNED, more elaboration on these points is coming to a blog spot near you.

So that's my opinion. What's yours? There is a chat room below, as well as a comment button. Simply click on the comment button and tell me what you think.




The purpose of this site is to provide an interactive forum where Christians can dialogue and express their opinions on sexual ethics, regardless of what those opinions are. The posts represent my opinions and are designed to spark feedback and provoke thoughtful discussion. The comment button at the bottom is where you can click and make comments. Feel free to agree or disagree. Please be respectful of others. Be sure to stay on topic.

And no profanity or name-calling please.

This site is dedicated to a correct, biblical understanding of ethics and ethical issues relating to sex and sexual conduct. Regardless of whether you are a member of the Christian Catholic church, or a Christian Protestant denomination, Christian history has shown that Christian beliefs have varied widely. Nowhere is this more true than in the area of sexual ethics. What's right, what's wrong, and why is a complex yet important matter for everyone who seeks the perfect will of God, the inventor of sex.

Religion ethics pertaining to sexual conduct have been a thorny issue throughout history. For instance, at one time, the Catholic Church only allowed their members to have sex 44 times a year. Simultaneously, a high percentage of Christians had taken vows of celibacy. Married Christians were considered second-class Christians.

Today, many do not see the Christian religion as being the authority on moral ethics. Christian theology has varied widely throughout the history of the Christian church regarding morality ethics and human ethics. Meanwhile, ethics practices, ethics issues, and ethics problems remain in a state of flux. Christian churches have used the Christian Bible to express their Christian views through their Christian teaching on a wide variety of thorny issues pertaining to human sexual conduct. Nevertheless, many unanswered questions remain.

Regardless of whether you are a very religious Christian or a "Chreaster" Christian (someone who only goes to church on Christmas and Easter), if you're puzzled by what the Bible "really" says about sex, I hope that you will find this site a helpful and informative resource. Thanks.


What the Bible "REALLY" says about... SEX
by Tom Gruber

What the Bible "Really" says About Sex, and what many people think the Bible says about sex are two different things. Although the Bible clearly condemns immoral sexual behaviour, to go beyond what the Bible clearly teaches is legalism. Words like "adultery", "fornication", and "lust" do not mean the same things today that they meant in biblical times. We've also lost sight of the reasons behind the rules. What the Bible "Really" says about Sex makes a compelling biblical case for "responsible non-monogamy", also known as "polyamory". It also grapples with other difficult ethical questions concerning nudity, prostitution, pornography, homosexuality, situation ethics, polygamy, the sin of Adam and Eve, procreation, marriage, safe sex, love, sex after the resurrection, and family values. Tom Gruber gets to the crux of the matter with laser-sharp clarity. Gruber writes in a style that a layman can easily understand, a skeptic cannot easily refute, and a scholar cannot easily dispute. This highly-controversial book is a must read for all open-minded individuals seeking an accurate understanding of What the Bible "Really" says About Sex.To find out more about this book or to order, CLICK HERE.

A complete listing of all related topics regarding sexual ethics.

Please take our survey. Your opinion counts.

Which best describes your current position on sex?


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 Is Polygamy A Sin?


One of the greatest challenges facing Christianity today is the question of polygamy. Is polygamy a sin? If so, why? If not, why not?The polygamy issue is both complex and controversial. Since there are plenty of good arguments on each side, Christianity has reached a stalemate regarding whether or not polygamy is a sin. Even giants of the faith have been divided on this issue. Luther and Calvin, for example, took opposite views. Sincere Christians today are still divided. To find out more, CLICK HERE.




How Does The Polygamy Issue Affect Missions?

 /What Do Surveys Say About Polygamy?

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 Although everyone is familiar with the story of Adam and Eve, this narrative has been interpreted and re-interpreted countless times and numerous ways throughout Judea-Christian history. Precisely what mankind's first sin was and how it subsequently effected the human condition continues to be a source of debate.




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/I. What Was The Forbidden Fruit?

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/2. Figs as Aphrodisiacs And Phallic Symbols

/3. The Garden Was A Metaphor For Both The Female Body And The Female Sex Organ

/4. An Enclosed Garden Was An Idyllic Environment For Lovemaking

/5. The Serpent Was a Phallic Symbol

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/III. Were The Other Elements In The Story Literal, Symbolic, Or Both?

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/(c) Was The Tree Of Life Literal, Symbolic, Or Both?

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Eve According to Tertullian

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Does The Bible Condone Nudism?


 Does God think it's okay for Christians to prance around naked in a public setting? Are nudist resorts nothing more than havens for perverted social misfits? Most Christians would probably answer "no" to the former and "yes" to the latter. Nevertheless, many followers of the Christian faith are, and probably always have been, a part of a widespread clothing-optional movement.


 (CLICK HERE to continue.)




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About Me

Tom Gruber

In 2001, I published a book through Trafford Publishing entitled: What the Bible "REALLY" says about... SEX: A New Look at Sexual Ethics from a Biblical Perspective. Here are a few of the key points: (1) Marriage, as we know it, was instituted after the fall as a result of the fall. (2) There are two kinds of sex: Responsible Sex and Irresponsible Sex. Sex outside of Marriage can be and usually is irresponsible, but not necessarily. (3) Alternative lifestyles, such as swinging and polyamory, can be practiced responsibly and therefore, they are not sinful per se. (3) There is sex in Heaven. In fact, there is polyamorous sex in Heaven. These ideas have been met with great resistance in the Christian community. I still believe much, if not most, of what I believed back in 2001. But I am constantly refining my beliefs and subjecting them to rigid scrutiny. Ultimately, I believe the Bible is the final court of arbitration for all Christians. is a Christian site dedicated to seeking the truth regarding sexual ethics.

View my complete profile


My blogs -- Christians talking about sex

About me






Columbus, Ohio, United States


In 2001, I published a book through Trafford Publishing entitled: What the Bible "REALLY" says about... SEX: A New Look at Sexual Ethics from a Biblical Perspective. Here are a few of the key points: (1) Marriage, as we know it, was instituted after the fall as a result of the fall. (2) There are two kinds of sex: Responsible Sex and Irresponsible Sex. Sex outside of Marriage can be and usually is irresponsible, but not necessarily. (3) Alternative lifestyles, such as swinging and polyamory, can be practiced responsibly and therefore, they are not sinful per se. (3) There is sex in Heaven. In fact, there is polyamorous sex in Heaven. These ideas have been met with great resistance in the Christian community. I still believe much, if not most, of what I believed back in 2001. But I am constantly refining my beliefs and subjecting them to rigid scrutiny. Ultimately, I believe the Bible is the final court of arbitration for all Christians. is a Christian site dedicated to seeking the truth regarding sexual ethics.


Sexual Ethics, the Bible, chess, karaoke, movies

Favorite Movies

Titanic, The Exorcist, Rocky, The Graduate, Batman Begins

Favorite Music

Beatles, Eagles, Elton John, Billy Joel, Beyonce

Favorite Books

The Bible


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