COG ex COG Carol talks about Ricky

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The murder-suicide of Ricky Rodriguez ("Davidito") -- his killing of Angela

Smith and his own suicide -- prompted a number of calls to me from friends

aware of my past asking how the new publicity about the Children of God

child sex scandals related to my own stories. Here are the news clippings:

 

http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil/nyt_cog.htm

http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil/lsuntimes_davidito.htm

 

This additional essay takes the opportunity of the new publicity about the

CoG (also known as The Family) to put into perspective what I have been

saying about my own childhood among women who had been with the Church, gone

flirty fishing for it, and later abandoned it.

 

My previous essays, and two articles recently published, and a number of Web

sites are good sources for information about the religious-sexual side of

the CoG, and the evolution of their practices with respect to children and

children's sexual activity.

 

 You can Google "Davidito book" and find more; it

recorded in some detail the upbringing, especially the sexual stimulation

and upbringing, of Ricky, and excerpts of it appear here and there on the

Web. These are a few descriptive and documentary sites:

 

http://www.thefamily.org/dossier/books/book1/chapter4.htm

http://factnet.org/cults/children_of_god

http://countercog.excult.org

http://www.religioustolerance.org/fam_love.htm

 

For those who dispute the validity of any church which makes sex a part of

its theology and its sacraments, I can only say that all churches do it: sex

is a part of every religion, although the message is mixed these days, given

the thrust of political correctness. Then, of course, there is the Westboro

Baptist Church, that considers everybody who doesn't agree with them a

faggot, and every church that accepts premarital sex, divorce or association

with even non-practicing homosexuals a "fag church".

 

http://www.godhatesfags.com/fags/fag.html

 

Of course those guys in Westboro probably don't realize just how close some

of their ideas are to those of the Deoband school of Islam.

 

 And for those of

you who didn't study comparative religion, Deoband (Pakistan) is the source

of Taliban practice and its preachers seek to regulate the tiniest details

of human behavior. Including, of course, how you have sex. Also, like the

Deobandis, the Westboro boys claim to possess the sole and unique correct

understanding of God's thought, and God's hatreds.

 

 Personally, I think

Tracey Emin's ideas, her philosophy of art and sex (with sex as the

centerpiece of life) are both truer and more relevant to life; I saw her

recently, on BBC America I think.

 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/netnotes/article/0,6729,810347,00.html

 

Organized religion has proven to be a major source of evil. Absolute power

-- which the leaders of cults tend to have -- corrupts absolutely, and this

is nowhere more true than in matters of sex. So it should be no surprise

that as time went on, both Moses David's actions and his theology became

corrupted.

 

To get back to the point I was making, the answer to the question on the

relationship between Davidito and us is, not much, at least not directly.

 

Mom and Mom's Friend, and most of their friends, left the CoG long ago.

 

Indeed, they left because they disagreed with Moses David's increasingly

depraved (as they saw it) promotion of direct sexual contact between infants

and adults.

 

Out of that objection came Mom's Friend's ban on

intergenerational sex: indeed on sex between boys and girls with an age

difference of more than 15-20%.

 

 Mom's Friend had no objection to children

observing adolescents and adults at sex; indeed she thought that freedom to

watch was an essential learning experience. But that nursemaids in Moses

David's communes and outposts were placating little boys by taking their

penises in their mouths and bringing them to infantile orgasm, and that boys

were doing the same to infant girls, was beyond the pale.

 

In the later years

of the Church, children of all ages were directly involved in sex, with

other children and with adults. That's why Mom and Mom's Friend left.

 

A brief summary of their theology as it concerns sex: They agreed with the

CoG that as soon as a pubescent child felt eager for sex, he or she should

be encouraged to have it. We still believe that.

 

 But they could not accept

the abuse of small children for the satisfaction of adults, nor accept that

pre-pubescent children could properly be involved as participants in sex at

all.

 

Knowledge about sex is another thing, and that it leads to an interest

in girl-boy penis play after the start of sex-organ development is fine.

Indeed, it's appropriate, and we would think it a pity if a girl or a boy

reached age 14 without having made (especially) oral sex an essential part

of her or his life. In fact, it is amazing how quickly, indeed innocently

and guilelessly but also eagerly and happily, both boys and girls then

incorporated sex into their lives, how normal taking a penis into mouth, and

indeed elaborately mounting each other for mutual oral sex, became something

we would do quite spontaneously.

 It is our view that the human body -- and

most of all, the penis -- represents God, and that romance and passion and

sexual ecstasy are quite independent of spousal love (which is not to say

that spousal love does not imply exclusivity and faithfulness). Indeed of

all the deadly sins, the worst (for an unmarried lover) would be jealousy of

a former sex partner, resentment at seeing the penis of a boy you'd had fun

with the day before ejaculating into and at the behest of and to the delight

of one of your own girlfriends.

 

 Somehow we were programmed for that not to

happen, just as we (like all girls) are programmed to be excited at the

sight of a penis if, and only if, under our social rules we are free to make

love to it. If the penis was from outside our circle of friends we would be

repulsed (or amused, in the sense of ridicule).

 

 Thus: by a strange boy

masturbating, or a flasher in a raincoat or a propositioning stranger who

hasn't been properly introduced.

 

For those to whom we have been introduced

our task as adolescents is to evangelize, as our mothers did, through our

bodies. To attract passion we should love nudity, and we should feel happy

to arouse and to be aroused among groups.

 

 It is good and proper that within

our commune we should freely show our libido, we should encourage and

support each other's sexuality. If I brought a new boy to a friend of mine,

and told her to open her "present", and she took down the boy's shorts and

played with his penis and had fun, it was a blessing for all of us.

 

 Sex is a

form of prayer, and orgasm comes directly from God as His response; semen is

His Holy Communion, passed from boy to girl. It would be a pity if we did

not enjoy sex early and often.

 

 But there were two conditions: the girl must

be assured full and equal participation -- and orgasm; and the best (and

thus holiest) foreplay is oral sex.

 

There is another point which I have made

before and I shall not elaborate on here: while most boys can have a perfect

orgasm and full satisfaction by putting his penis into any nice girl's mouth

and vagina, most girls need more than just physical stimulation, they need

romance and atmosphere and a sense of belonging to get full pleasure.

 

(How our lifestyle served to substitute for "love" is beyond the scope of

these essays; it will suffice to say that we as girls "belonged" to a stable

of boys and to move, day by day, among them -- and even among new boys who

might come to our dance parties -- in no wise diminished the quality or

nature of romance. With a new boy, almost always there would come a new girl

too, to make up the numbers. And she would probably need our support to set

her at ease and see to it that whichever boy she happened to be matched with

moved slowly and at her pace with his penis. If, as was sometimes the case,

she was a virgin and startled by the concept of oral sex as foreplay, the

mere focusing of our attentions on her would have a bonding effect on

everybody, the new boy included. There always was a sort of silent cheer

when a girl was seen to take a penis confidently in her mouth for the first

time ever. And another when the boy ejaculated and she had to put into

practice what she must have known as our theory: of semen as precious Word.

 

This is no different from what happened to me when I made oral love for the

first time (it was the second, actually, but the bystanders didn't know

that) in front of friends.

 

Somehow even a new girl, presented with a strange

boy -- the two of them now nude and staring with wonder at each other, the

boy's penis perhaps starting to stir and the girl smiling shyly, pressing

her arms back to bring out the best in her breasts -- adapted quickly to our

practices. How could they not? Why else had they come but to be liberated

both sexually and philosophically? For the girl to wear her traces of drying

semen as badge of power, romance, purpose and sanctification.)

 

The above is not CoG theology; it is Mom's and Mom's Friend's, shared by the

other mothers we knew. They would encourage their children, but it was the

children's peers who played the main role.

 

The eagerness of a boy or girl

just a few months older and/or more developed to initiate others meant that

by the age of 14 most all kids who lived or visited with us were already

sexually active.

 

It would be hard to stay chaste -- even if you had been led

to think chastity had any value -- with your friends sexually active and

having sex in front of you. All with the full approval of their mothers,

most of whom would have spent years with the CoG or another sect or commune

and would themselves have sex freely and openly, if more discreetly than

teenagers are wont to do.

 

What some, perhaps most, outsiders would take for

indecent and promiscuous, to us as children was normal and as adolescents

was romantic: a boy and girl reciprocally flirting and propositioning,

vaunting their sex with others around.

 

Arousal and excitement leading to

erection and shivering delight. And penis gravitating to mouth. And all the

rest. It became the role of mothers to instill from birth pride, confidence

and desire in their offspring, and to banish shame, modesty, jealousy and

inhibition.

 

Family nudity and frankness and openness -- so that kids could

see their parents and older siblings enjoying sex -- would go a long way to

making offspring comfortable doing likewise. And hence the scenes I just

described, which mothers, fathers, partners would regard with approval,

remembering that they had done likewise. (I should note here that seeing, or

watching, younger couples at sex may be, for normal people, a source of

curiosity but not arousal; seeing couples of the same age or slightly older

at sex is on the other hand a legitimate source of sexual arousal.

 

This is

an fact which criminologists and legal scriveners concerned with child porn

and child abuse seemingly fail to appreciate and incorporate in their

principles. The result is the criminalization of some innocent, as well as

much guilty, behavior.)

 

The New York Times article linked to above discussed a mother having watched

her 11-year-old son being initiated by a 28-year-old girl. (A "naughty

nanny" story?)

 

 With us, his mother might well have been there too, but the

boy would have had his first sex with a girl his own age or slightly older.

 

Following on my earlier discussions about the mystic relationship between

mothers and their sons' penises and mothers' attendance at defloration

parties, no reader should be surprised at that.

 

 I can tell you that most, if

not all, mothers, if they weren't brainwashed by social engineers and

hypocrites and their dictatorial religions full of myths, would contrive to

be present at a son's first sex (as, indeed at a daughter's).

 

 Mothers always

take pride in their sons' erections and ejaculations, even if most often or

ever see them in the flesh. Outsiders I talk to seem to find this assertion

kinky and perverse, but their contrived horror doesn't make it any less

true. And there is no objective reason why a Mom should not be upfront about

her affection for every part of her son's body and her interest in his

welfare.

 

Nor is there any reason for her not to discreetly keep watch over

her son's penis, its growth and its first use. In effect, our boys' mothers

were handing their sons over to the institution of girlhood and to a life of

sex fun.

 

It's not a sexual but a maternal pleasure for the mother; and for

the boy it is final proof to his Mom that he has achieved a certain

independence. And that his semen will carry on her genes forever.

 

The fact

is, that in every defloration I was at, the boy was very conscious of his

mother's presence and if she was there he would turn to her at the end to

show off his sticky penis as it deflated.

 

 And of course at the party which

followed they would invariably hug and kiss, the boy's penis symbolically

close to the place from whence it had originally come.

 

One of my girlfriends

has a sketchbook full of images she drew of one of these parties; I wonder

if it's legal for her to keep it. Of course the only photographs we have

would have been taken after all the kids showered and dressed: happy family

snapshots.

 

Everybody looks so happy, so proud. On the other hand, I think of

those naturist family photos I wrote about, that some families take year by

year to show off their children's development, and I think:

 

what went wrong

with American society? What makes us feel guilt, or rather as a society to

want families to feel guilt, over natural behavior and normal biology?

 

All of us, whether in the CoG or out of it, or descended from women who were

there, agree that the penis is the most beautiful sculpted object known to

humanity, that there is nothing on God's earth more beautiful than a strong

penis as it descends into a gorgeous vagina.

 

The transformation of infant

into adolescent is the greatest of events, and the process rightly captures

the imagination and the attention of family and friends. The group that

shares each other's nakedness grows in Godliness;

 

I think that's universally

true.

 

For us, it went further: seeing each other giving and receiving bliss,

sharing bodies, became an important lesson, and one of utmost religious

significance.

 

While as little kids we really didn't understand what sex

entailed, we did understand that it was a kind of sharing and that it made

grownups and teens deliriously happy. We took on faith, so to speak, that it

the semen whose droplets we could see represented Holy Communion, that girls

loved it; and we understood that (teen and grownup) bystanders were touched

by the orgasms of others, that they could vicariously enjoy them, and that

often they would be inspired to have sex too. In all these senses, I think,

Mom's Friend and her likeminded colleagues were at one with the CoG. I will

note, however, that Moses David did not make semen central to his theology;

it appears in his writings most notoriously in connection with the

conception of Jesus, which he attributes to the semen of the archangel

Gabriel. (Neither Berg nor any other theologian explains the how Joseph and

James, the brothers of Jesus, were conceived; I suppose the default

assumption is that Mary had sex with her husband Joseph. On the other hand,

some argue that Mary wasn't their mother. All this is, however, beyond the

scope of this essay. You can read more if you want at:

http://www.bibletexts.com/terms/jesusfamily.htm

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/02767a.htm )

 

But Mom's Friend offered more: respect and self-respect. And, in a sense, a

certain power: for girls knew that by introducing a boy to sex, it and she

-- i.e., girls as a class -- would become irresistible to him. We knew,

instinctively, how to use our breasts to attract, and our voices to calm a

nervous boy. From that point, arousal is easy and ejaculation inevitable.

But the boy would be expected to bring the girl to climax too, usually

orally. And faking orgasm was, among us, rather frowned upon: if we didn't

climax, it was the boy's fault; and if a boy spent more time than normal

kissing and sucking at a girl's clitoris you can be sure that a crowd of

girls would gather around to criticize. That unwanted attention, more than

penile size or difficulty of erection or delayed ejaculation could be cause

for embarrassment. The worst thing for a boy is to have his tongue in a

girl's vagina and to have that girl looking bored. I have to say, though,

that the rate of (female) orgasm among us was and remains far higher than

among mainstream adolescents because what we had first and foremost from

Mom's Friend was assertiveness training. Coupled with the conditioning to

believe that our vaginas are beautiful and worthy of being kissed. And

knowing that, if a seated girl was so inspired she had as much right to

spread her legs and display herself to boys as they did to exhibit a

spontaneous erection to her.

 

One of the principal aims of sex education for pre-pubescent kids, aside

from teaching about STDs and safe sex and the principle of the safety of a

closed circle of disease-free partners, would be to provide an understanding

of the process of sexual arousal and release, an explanation of why, at

puberty and generally quite before their genitals are fully developed,

people experience an urgent need for sex. Unless a parent has a totally

honest relationship with her child -- especially her son -- it's going to be

hard to discuss, the more so since it really has to be shown. That's why it

was nice that at Mom's Friend's House there were opportunities to see the

process from start to finish. Indeed, it was somewhat more important to urge

tolerance and understanding on the part of teens so that they wouldn't

object, and indeed would take the trouble to explain what they were doing,

when a younger kid wanted to watch -- usually from across the room. It might

have been better for them to have seen an actual defloration party, but such

events (aside from the fact that they didn't happen very often) were private

affairs. It seemed to me that it was enough if a child had been raised to

know and expect that when she reached puberty she would undergo an emotional

(i.e., a hormonal) change that would forever change her attitude towards and

her relationship with a penis, and make her want to kiss and love it and

enjoy it. So, it was important that at the threshold of puberty she had the

opportunity see slightly older girls making love. Without an understanding

of human sexuality, it would be hard for a 10-year-old or most 11-year-olds

to understand how and why two kids just a year or two older than they might

be chatting innocently, and their innocence suddenly might turn to lust and

they look at each other in a different way, and suddenly they are exploring

each other's body, and then the boy's penis is erect and the girl is playing

with it and kissing it and the boy is caressing her vagina, and so on. If I

noticed kids watching me, I would try to adjust my style and our position to

provide a better view, a better explanation of what was happening. For

example, when I was ready for the boy's penis to enter my vagina I might put

my legs up on his shoulders or otherwise up high to provide both him and

bystanders a really clear view of my vagina and of exactly what his penis

was doing. Or I might show the children how ejaculation works by licking his

penis around its tip until semen spurted out (fountain-like if, we were

lucky). In either case, anybody watching would see how much fun it was for

both of us. Older kids' having sex not something one expects pre-pubescents

to stare at, or to care to watch often; there may be something wrong if they

do. But one day soon after, the sight of others at sex is going to stir up

emotions inside them and they should know what to expect and how to deal

with it. I would always say that when that happens a girl (or a boy, for

that matter) should right away talk to her (or his) mother about

contraception (which, by the way, the CoG never embraced, preferring to

populate itself with "Jesus children" of which, of course, I am one) and

defloration and all the other things she can help with. But this is only

possible with the proper background, what I called above "conditioning".

 

The latter point is that girls and boys would have been taught, both in the

nurseries of the CoG and at Mom's Friend's House -- and at all the other

similar offshoots of religious sexuality -- that God wanted boys and girls

to get together, that the penis is instrument of His love. Mom's Friend,

however, approached this as sex education, and stressed that the divine

intent was that they should get together only once they were physically

mature. But like David Berg she also tried to banish inhibition, shyness,

modesty, embarrassment and other impediments to the maximum early enjoyment

of sex. In fact, that meant that children rushed to have sex as soon as they

felt able, as soon as their hormones and the state of their puberty focused

their minds on sex. Since they were protected from older children and

adults, they -- we -- were dealing with peers and not abusive older people.

I have seen no trace among our alumni of the kind of social and

psychological problems that some CoG offspring complain of:

http://www.movingon.org

 

Given the accusation -- indeed the testimony, in the form of the Davidito

Book -- that nursemaids and teachers teased infant boys with their bodies,

played with the boys' tiny penises and gave them oral gratification, the

contrast with Mom's Friend's House and other ex-CoG refugee havens is

startling. While there was a lot of nudity with us, insofar as infants were

concerned this was no more shocking or upsetting or intrusive than any

naturist group. But every child would have her or his day. At a certain age

around puberty, her or his interest in sex and the sex process would mature,

and somehow others knew -- even if she or he did not. There would be

invitations and advances. Or a mother would see, and might sometimes suggest

to her girl that she have a defloration party to mark her coming of age and,

indeed, advertise her availability. In any case, just as I was, at some

point a girl would be fascinated with the sexual implications and the sexual

process of a penis, would stare at it, be invited to touch it, and then --

or soon -- out of peer pressure and contrivance it would be in her mouth, in

her vagina. Once a girl has tasted semen, it belongs to her forever. From

our upbringing, its sacredness is both captivating and intoxicating and

habit forming. To play with a penis and have it get engorged, and for it

suddenly to show you love and spurt out its semen-nectar, is delightful.

Subject, of course, to the personality, the kindness, the romance and the

passion of the boy. Sex is always the same, yet it's always different. It is

hard to gaze on a penis without wanting to hold it, to excite it, and to be

excited and aroused and happy with it. And make it give you everything it

holds. Especially when one is in the flush of ecstasy from the boy's tongue

rubbing against your clitoris and circling deliciously inside your vagina.

To work together as partners, girls exchanging gifts, so to speak,

facilitating liaisons was great fun. One grows out of it, but for teenagers

it was a social and a learning experience that, tragically -- and to their

cost in dysfunction, divorce and depression -- mainstream adolescents rarely

know. Every time I would see a girl holding a wet penis and smiling, semen

dripping from her mouth and exhausted from her own orgasm and his, I would

want to go over to hug her.

 

When I was 12 and 13, occasionally Mom would see me keeping my eyes closed

while a penis was in my mouth. She didn't otherwise normally intervene, but

when she saw my eyes closed she would remind me to open them and say that I

was missing half the fun and half the blessing. She was right: it's just the

nicest thing to take a flaccid penis and have it dance on your tongue, press

your lips against its tip and draw it in and out of your mouth, not just

feeling but watching it stiffen. And that's as true with a smallish

pubescent penis as with a grand grown-up one. Mom would say the same thing

to any boy she saw not paying full attention to my clitoris: that he can't

do a proper job, and give proper joy and blessing, unless he watches his

progress and sees the object of his lovemaking. The arrival of semen, she

would say, is to be anticipated, seen, and tasted, smelled and blessed --

even if the boy is still young and even if it's just a drop. For semen to

spurt out in quantity, however, is its essence as Holy Communion and it's

why puberty marks a particular stage in our religious, as well as our

physical, lives. And after ejaculation one should not be in too much of a

hurry to clean up; afterplay must come first, perhaps penis in vagina to

follow penis in mouth. Or the other way around. This is all the more reason

for teens to enjoy sex with others about, to take advantage of those free

years, to share their respective expressions of passion, to enjoy

vicariously each other's orgasms and multiply their own pleasures and

blessings. I think of that now when I see young people embracing. I often

wonder, though, whether other girls think as we do, and see the image of

penis and of vagina and of penis in vagina as ultimate beauty -- sex as art,

and art as sex.

 

Mom was, for sure, more specific, indeed intrusive, in her advice on sex

than most mothers. But that was not really her main point. Aside from

passing on the theology that she had inherited and developed with women like

herself, she was (and is) an original feminist who asserted females' rights,

insisting that our orgasm should come first. It can come as no surprise that

the boys we knew were just as prone to arrogance, slothfulness and

selfishness and boys anywhere. It didn't help our cause to believe that the

penis, much less semen, is sacred, nor to be willing to play with and kiss a

penis, to engage in sex spontaneously. Hence the order of play that we tried

to enforce: it would be fun to play with a boy's penis, to make it hard, to

kiss and suck it for a bit; but that boy would have to bring us to climax or

to the verge of climax before he would be allowed to ejaculate. I think

every girl developed her own regime in the first year after her coming out.

I'm sure boys compared notes about us; we certainly shared our own

experiences and opinions among ourselves. The nice thing was that there was

little point in jealousy since our love was institutionalized: our romance

with boys was realistic; we knew that any permanent relationships would have

to wait. And for those few outsiders who joined us after, say, the age of 14

it was not the free nudity nor the adolescent embarking on physical

lovemaking that was a challenge, and certainly it was not the need to accept

our view of hymen as loathsome obstacle to pleasure and sacred duty. Rather

it was overcoming the fiction, the myth, of romance as love, of permanence

of love, of love as relevant to sexual communion. From her earliest days, a

girl would learn from her mother that she had this temporary "barrier" that

she should want a boy to pierce with his penis as soon as she could, i.e.,

when she started to get pubic hair. And that the penis that did this for her

would be so lovely that she would want desperately to kiss it first, and

this would make it hard and stiff and ready to help her make love. And of

course the girl would all her life have seen her mother and older friends

making love, and the smiles on their faces, and their devotion to the penis

and happiness to have semen in their mouths and swallow it.

 

I think this is the reason why most of the girls who had a coming out party,

a formal defloration with their mother and a few friends attending, were

daughters of former CoG members who lived away from us and so had only

occasional contact with other likeminded families. Such girls -- and boys --

would come to our place mostly for dance parties and summer outings in the

back yard. Each time they came, there would be a moment of acclimatization.

I would see this most markedly when a brother and sister would get undressed

and you could tell that they didn't see each other naked at home, didn't see

each other at sex. There would be a sort of shy or embarrassed darting of

eyes at first, without being too obvious about it. After that, once the

siblings fell into line with the sexy atmosphere, they would typically feel

free to admire each other -- not, certainly, in any sense of arousal or

incestuous lust, but by way of support and familial love. To see her brother

with an erection, then, should elicit in a sister only a knowing smile.

 

When I had first come to say at Mom's Friend's House and was told that there

were brother-and-sister visitors from time to time, I wondered how they

could cope with what I took to be a social taboo of watching a sibling at

sex, especially oral sex. But it turns out not to be a big deal, no more

"shocking", indeed probably less so, than a mother attending to her

daughter's defloration. No more shocking, really, than Mom and I having sex

next to each other on the houseboat. Anyway, siblings, just like anyone

else, tend to watch closely when a penis is sliding in and out of a girl's

mouth, hoping, needing, to see a telltale drip of semen as proof of joy. One

could not really be one of us without feeling free to take pride in a

sibling's sex play. It is one measure of the total openness and acceptance

among us as liturgy of the whole process of arousal, excitement and

ejaculation and climax. Dear reader, you have to understand that we see

nudity as beauty per se, the sex organs as our most beautiful and

religiously significant parts. So it was less surprising than heartwarming

to see a sister transfixed by her brother at mutual oral sex: his mouth

covering his girl's vaginal opening and his tongue inside her; the girl

trying to time the movement of his penis in and out of her mouth so as to

synchronize, more or less, their orgasms. She was seated with her lover next

to him, the two of them watching, as we all like to, the penis appearing and

disappearing into the mouth while the girl's tongue tried to maintain

control by circling the head of the penis as it passed by. But at the same

time the sister was fondling her lover's penis and the two of them were

getting increasingly agitated. How lovely it was! And then, when her

brother's semen came rushing out, she lost no time in lying back, her legs

spread wide apart, her boy on top of her. And now his face was buried

between her thighs, his tongue moving back and forth and around inside her

labia; and her boy's penis was in her mouth moving in and out of her mouth

from above. And it was her brother's turn to watch and admire and anticipate

his sister's joy and blessing. I think back on those days and those events

with nostalgia and happiness and only wished that all of humanity could

experience such adolescence. I didn't see that girl finish: I couldn't wait

because my partner's penis was really stiff and lovely and we needed

urgently to make love. I wanted to feel semen stream into me; I wanted to

give my date pleasure. But how I wished I'd had a brother, or a sister, to

be with and to share the sights and sounds and aromas of my sexual joy.

 

By comparison with dance parties, brothers, and certainly fathers, were not

normally invited to a defloration. None were present at any I attended. But

I was told that at least sometimes a brother did come, to escort and

(usually) be naked with a particular girlfriend of his sister. Given the

story I just related, it shouldn't be surprising. And after all: "Once one

accepts that virginity has no intrinsic value and is best disposed of early

in life, the sight of a penis penetrating virginal daughter or sister is

cause for celebration: she was well rid of that impediment, that obstacle to

fun and bliss."

http://assm.asstr.org/Year2004/48125

I imagine it's all a matter of conditioning. I'm not a boy, and I don't have

a sister, so I can't really imagine that a boy should be upset to see a

penis poised to enter his sister; but I know that society sort of expects

that to happen. When the penis is lowered into her and breaks through the

barrier, it seems to me that the girl has now just been validated, blessed

and given new stature and status. You see her vagina dilated and gaping, and

you see her chest rise and fall in the exhaustion of orgasm and you know

that she is lovelier than before. Certainly, that time I made a first public

display of having a boy ejaculate in my mouth and then showed everybody his

semen and swallowed it, it was a great event for me and I know for my

friends too. Nobody gave a thought to my age -- 11: they could see how happy

we both were, the boy and I. I just think that to see rivulets of semen

running out the corner of a daughter's or sister's mouth or mixed with her

mucus and blood from her vagina, is (or ought to be) the fulfillment of

family solidarity and proof of godly continuity. (I have known girls to

criticize technique while another girl has her brother's penis in her mouth,

but I think that's a rather crude intrusion. Nothing should stop a boy from

speaking up; I certainly never resented suggestions from a boy, or having

him point out what made him feel good. In fact, I always have preferred --

when we're not showing off with mutual oral sex -- having oral sex for the

first time seated in a chair, with my partner kneeling in front. And then

following up with him seated and me kneeling. That way we can see everything

and one is free to move or squirm and use one's hands in such a way as to

improve friction and pleasure.)

 

It's no surprise that at least some would want to join others seated around

a sibling at sex to watch the beauty of penis entering and exiting, to enjoy

the scent and to experience the excitement of ejaculation. Still, for those

from out of town, siblings or not, who did not practice open sex full time,

it must not have been easy to take on a secret lifestyle and a set of

beliefs that could be shared only with us, and only every so often. No

wonder that we girls would delight in the visit of such a boy, and perhaps

rush to undress him and fuss over his penis, to make him feel welcome,

wanted and needed. We knew that it doesn't take long for a young person to

commit to a free-sex lifestyle and to develop innate sexual needs. But more

than that, our evangelistic fervor reflected our connection between sex and

religion and our joy (in every sense of the word) in spreading the good

news. When I would pull down a boy's underpants and his penis would come

into view and I would begin to play with it I would feel like the High

Priestess. An erection is part of a religious happening. All our theology

would come to me. And not just to me: for me, yes, but also for anyone

watching that there would be an urgency to see the ejaculation, to meet the

arrival of the Host. There is nothing lovelier than the spurting of semen,

than collecting it on your tongue, licking off and swallowing its traces.

And knowing that you are sharing DNA that amalgamates and represents body

and personality of all the world since Adam. Indeed, of God who made Adam in

His image. No wonder boys are so proud at that moment. Their ecstasy

memorializes it all.

 

In retrospect and hindsight, taking a pubescent, +/- 5-inch penis into my

mouth and teaching its owner about romance was of even more religious

significance. Puberty is itself a holy miracle, and I think of a boy's first

ejaculations as a mother's colostrum -- the first nourishment that a baby

will get. But, pity as it may be, I didn't see or understand that at the

time, and like so much in life it's too late now. I don't see pubescent kids

today, and have outgrown the interest; although I know that when and if I

have children of my own I would be proud to watch their sexual growth and

honored to see first sexual awakening, first pubescent erection, first

pubescent ejaculation and first penis in mouth and defloration and all the

things I have written about. If, in the 21st Century, with our new norms and

new definitions of children's rights (including "right", or rather

"mandate", to be chaste -- or at least to pretend to be chaste), that is to

prove possible. To my mind, contriving to make it sinful, outrageous,

abusive, etc. for a 13-year-old girl to be seen with penis in mouth and

semen dripping down her lips and chin simply drives her and her boys and her

friends to secrecy -- and danger. For doing what comes naturally and what is

divine command. In truth there may be a fine line between abuse -- clearly

evident in Davidito's case if only because of the sexual relationships

pursued (presumably at his mother's direction) by his minders and teachers

-- and same-age relationships encouraged, fostered by mothers. That there is

indeed (as I've often written) a mystical relationship between mothers and

their boys' penises can't be denied. And there's no reason why a mother

shouldn't monitor and admire her boy's penis as it develops, and comment on

it too, providing counsel. I have seen a boy's mother fidget in her chair

with emotion as drops of seminal fluid seeped out of his fiercely erect

penis while he stood before the girl he was about to deflower. I have to

assume the boy got has confidence from her, that she had prepared him for

that day. And why shouldn't mothers discuss sex intimately with their boys,

as with their girls, from the youngest of ages? Why shouldn't a mother tell

her son that when his penis grows girls will want to take it in mouth and

vagina and that this will make the boy feel very good indeed. And of course

he should be taught, and shown, semen, and how it will spurt from his penis

into a girl in an act of passion bringing fantastic joy to both of them.

Presumably, in an open and free family boys and girls will see this happen,

will see mothers at sex, as I so often did. And will take it for granted

that the pleasure and sanctity of sex are vested future interests for them

too. It is totally ridiculous, even outrageous, that for so many boys the

first semen he sees should be his own and not that of older males around

him. Even the youngest boy should know that an erection is something to be

proud and happy over even if it's an immature one. As a boy or a girl

approaches puberty, he or she should be aware of parental and sibling

recognition, as well as the subtle expectation that the new adolescent will

embark on sexual adventure. The defloration party is one way, a nice way, of

making that an "event": for girl or boy who hasn't touched or been touched,

the formality of presentation of penis, of kissing it, of boy kissing girl's

vagina and bringing her to the verge of climax and then penetrating her --

this is the ultimate rite of passage.

 

I have been asked, when I have argued as above, "Doesn't this promote

infantile masturbation, and do we want to encourage that?" As far as I know,

some immature boys and a smaller number of girls are prone to masturbation;

others are not. It is true that knowledge and the realization that rubbing

the tip of his penis or her clitoris will be pleasurable will induce some

kids to masturbate. It is also true that there is something of a conspiracy

to keep little boys and girls from knowing the ins and outs if all this;

indeed the promotion of competitive sports and boy scouting and the like has

always had one its aims to keep boys outdoors and with their clothes on and

their hands away from their penises. We -- and by "we" I mean Mom's Friend

and her likeminded colleagues and followers -- simply have no opinion on

masturbation: if children or adults want to do it, this has nothing to do

with us; we only argue for making available maximum opportunities for

heterosexual sex from the moment of puberty on. And dissemination of full

knowledge relating to sex, health and sexual well-being. And, at least for

our families, an understanding of the religious aspects. I've written about

how I responded a few times to the sight of boys masturbating: I might

intervene, take the boy in hand and, like that time in the bathroom, engage

him in mutual oral sex; or I might just ignore it. That first time I

intervened was when I was 11, in the first house, and I took over massaging

the boy's penis with my hand, with funny consequences that I described in my

essay.

 

I don't know why it is, unless it's a matter of the polarization of politics

in the postmodern era -- but everybody is expected to have a view on

everything, and that view should coincide with his or her self-assigned

group's worldview. As it happens, there are many issues I simply am

indifferent over, and masturbation happens to be one of them. At the start

of puberty, boy-girl sex becomes important, desirable; once semen is

produced, once menses begin, I think it is essential, indeed commanded.

Before that, from the earliest signs of puberty, it is optional. That's my

-- our, I think -- view; others may disagree. I would expect the social

engineers and the self-appointed hypocrite prophets of God to disagree.

Nothing new there. For them, any observation, much less recorded image, of a

naked child is obscene, if not child abuse:

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/articles/16222840

(archived at: http://tinyurl.com/5um75 )

Parenthetically, I have no view either about homosexuality: I'm not Rev.

Phelps of the church I linked to above. (See also:

http://snipurl.com/cd6t )

I know that gay people have, in principle, no interest in us; if they do not

interfere with my lifestyle, why should I pay attention to theirs, about

which I know nothing? On the other hand, I once met a sex worker who told me

that she'd learned all she needed to know about fellatio by watching gay men

at it. I told her that I learned all I needed to know by doing it, starting

at age 11, that my Mom had seen me at it and given me lots of advice and

that I didn't think I'd missed any essential aspects of the art. (In this

day and age, of course, girls can get all the lessons they want by renting a

DVD; but I still say that experience is the best teacher.) The importance of

things like keeping your eyes open all the time and not swallowing the semen

too quickly are not so obvious from just watching, so Mom's advice has been

very important to me. There's also the business of putting on a show for

your friends -- making a demonstration of the spurting semen by bringing the

boy to ejaculation through running your tongue repeatedly around the tip of

his penis with its little slit exposed. Or collecting his semen on your

tongue and opening your mouth for others to see it before letting the semen

slide down your throat. A demonstration of this technique can be hypnotic,

and I've done it at a party and found a dozen onlookers sighing in relief

when, finally, the semen spurts out. The slowness of the procedure gives the

prostate gland time to produce extra seminal fluid, so with luck the semen

will explode out of the penis -- and it will be a challenge for the girl to

capture it all, or as much of it as she can, with mouth and tongue.

 

However it turns out, I have to tell you that there isn't anybody in the

world who isn't captivated by the sight of penis in mouth -- and I can tell

you from personal experience that even the most crazed bible-thumping

pro-chastity fanatic will often have a secret life in that regard. Without

exception, though, absolutely the most fascinated, hypnotized watcher is a

sister staring at her brother's penis moving in and out of another girl's

mouth, waiting for the penis to erupt, for the sight of her brother's semen.

Suffice to say that all of this is good enough reason to refrain, generally,

from everybody in a room having oral sex at the same time: it contributes

far more to the ambiance and everybody's pleasure to be able to watch others

before and after. And, anyway, sex should not be any sort of competition:

anyone who tries that will quickly discover that however good one thinks one

is, there is always somebody smarter and better at it, and better looking,

too: better face, better penis, and so on. That said, every girl is amazed

at the phenomenon of arousal and ejaculation just by tactile sensation, and

it was no wonder to me that no sooner did a girl -- who probably had seen

this from a distance many times over the years -- realize that her breasts

had developed enough to interest boys, and the penises of boys her age

enough to interest her than she'd want to experiment herself. We always used

to have to remind girls that they too were capable of special sensation and

that they should spend as much time watching what boys do when licking at a

girl's clitoris as the other way around.)

 

Getting back to the original question, one needs to consider not only the

response to masturbation (i.e., laissez faire) but what to do about

pre-pubescent kids who insist that they want to try out sex. Mom's Friend

discouraged it, and refused to support mothers who wanted to let such kids

try, even oral sex. Sometimes mothers were pushy on this; indeed they were

often way ahead of their sons and daughters in what they expected of them.

This strikes me as odd, because one would expect that of fathers,

specifically in regard to their sons, but not of mothers. Perhaps at some

point I can find the time to write an essay about a dance party where this

proved to be an issue, one Mom having brought her reluctant kids to play out

her own fantasies. And of course some kids just did it on their own, without

asking. But if Mom's Friend knew what they were planning, unlike the CoG

crowd she insisted that children be told to wait "until they have

discernable pubic hair at least". Well, that's a subjective criterion that

could result in attention being paid to a girl's nether region, attention

that might in any particular case be welcome or might be embarrassing. In

practice, one could tell a girl's attitude -- her eagerness or reluctance

for sexually-driven attention -- by whether, when she was sitting in a chair

nude, her knees were close together or far apart, and whether she welcomed

the gaze, indeed the stares, of others upon her breasts and upon her vulva.

She'd have a second chance at rejection or confirmation of an approach when

a boy would sit down next to her: would she return his gaze by looking in

his face or at his penis? Where would their respective hands go? If he got

an erection, the girl had every right to caress and fondle it -- in fact

there was something wrong if she didn't give it the attention it deserved,

perhaps moving her hand down to cuddle his balls too and leaning over to

give his penis a kiss. As I said, kids of that age are less inclined to

spend time kissing each other on the lips and more anxious to play with

genitals and breasts. So once a girl had made her decision, things could

progress rapidly to experimental or tentative oral sex -- which of course

isn't much different from the "real" kind. If an adult or Older Girl

happened to be around, there might be an invitation to the new recruit to

have a coming-out party, a ceremony of defloration set up so that those

dearest to her could see her beautiful vagina and watch her have a penis

enter it for the first time. We were always willing to finesse the question

of whether a girl who'd tried oral sex was still a virgin. Don't ask, don't

tell. It was enough that a girl who has had her sex parts kissed and has

reached orgasm and then has had semen spurt into her has come as close to

God as it is possible to be.

 

I have several times described how those defloration celebrations were

handled. The target girl's mother would position her on the bed, either at

the head or the foot; in either case her legs would be spread well apart,

and perhaps lifted up and back, her back supported by pillows, so that she

and we could see her face, her breasts and her crotch. With luck, we might

already be able to see inside her labia. A clever mother would want the boy

to have at least a glimpse of what was inside and to remind him that the

most important part of the event was bringing the girl to orgasm orally.

Anyway, the chosen boy would come in, either naked or wearing only

underpants which he'd take off right away in a sort of quick striptease. He

would approach the girl tentatively, shyly offering her his penis to cuddle.

In other words, he would throw his shoulders back and press his hips

forward, as a signal to her, asking for recognition.

 

The girl would probably play with the penis and make it hard and beautiful.

This might well be a pretense, but we were perfectly prepared to accept that

she had never touched a penis before, even if we knew or suspected that she

had. Almost always we would get to see the penis in her mouth for a minute

or so; then someone would remind the boy that this was the girl's event, not

his, so that he would crouch down and begin kissing licking the girl's

vagina and engaging her clitoris to bring her to the threshold of climax.

(While most girls do not ever reach orgasm 100% of the time especially when

it's their first time, it seems to me that they always did when they were

the star of a defloration party.) I think it's usually obvious when a girl

is approaching her first orgasm. She, or her mother, would signal, and the

boy, having been prompted, would quickly move up and direct his penis into

her vagina, press it firmly through her hymen, complete her orgasm and fill

her with as much semen as he could produce. Invariably, everybody would be

touched by the beauty and the emotion and naturalness of it all, however

much the couple fumbled and ad-libbed. Every stroke of the penis in vagina

is a reaffirmation, a rededication. I've described these events several

times before, and you can find the essays on the Web site I set up:

http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil

Ideally, a girl will grasp the penis to guide it home, but a lot of girls

don't. The Big Breasted Girl didn't, and her boy's big penis wound up poking

her in the wrong place. At a defloration with everybody looking that's not

likely: one of the mothers or friends would speak up. Anyway, Mom's

recommended position on such occasions is such that both boy and girl have a

good view of the penis penetrating and unless the boy is terribly clumsy

everything should go well. Also, the boy will have kissed and licked at the

vagina long enough to make it very dilated and wet. The girl will have her

legs raised, and her vagina will be ready and visible to all, including

herself, as the penis approaches it. In fact, if there is a problem it may

be that the penis is momentarily too rigidly upright to be directed

downwards for easy penetration; the boy then has to lean forward, finding

support for his arms where he can and leaving the girl to manipulate his

penis. I have to say that when a boy with a mature penis takes that

position, so long as he doesn't obscure our view of the girl's vagina and of

his penis's trajectory, it produces the most beautiful scene, with his penis

moving in and out and (if they aren't too tight) his scrotum and balls back

and forth. One of the photographs that accompanied my last essay illustrated

this ("Mom's favorite position").

http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil/topl.htm

Most girls would have found a penis like that irresistible, and when the boy

came to greet her would have -- sometimes with prompting from their mother

-- caressed, explored and kissed it first. No wonder that boys were always

in demand afterwards, by all the girls.

 

Perhaps most touching of all is, however, later when the girl, satisfied,

leans back and you can see traces of the couple's combined fluids -- semen,

mucus, blood -- drip from her vagina, while a matching stickiness coats the

boy's softening penis. It is as holy a Christian sign as I can imagine: of

body and blood, of passion and making love. (For those who would call this

blasphemy I can only repeat what Mom says: everybody remakes God into their

own image -- it's not the other way around.) No wonder the mothers of boys

selected for the task were so proud. It was from one of them that I learned

always to suggest to the girl that she should kiss the penis at that point,

spending some time at afterplay and contemplating what she has accomplished.

There are only two such memorable homecomings in a girl's life: her own

birth and the day she escapes from and discards virginity. And it's not much

different for a boy, even if society wants to pretend that it is. Our

community, indeed, had as its basic aim to equalize the status of girl and

boy in sex and in religion -- another reason why we paid no heed to

virginity except to get rid of it. I would always tell a boy and girl

following such an event that this was the proudest day of their lives and

that they should remember it always, no matter if they had a thousand sex

partners thereafter. My reason for saying that was because the most

essential part of the event was assuring the girl a climax. As I've said

many times, starting a girl off right, with an orgasm her first time, is the

most important thing if she is to approach sex correctly. And to feel that

God has spoken to her through it, through that boy's penis. She needs to

know that her life will never be the same, and that she will be the better

off because of it, and that she can count, absolutely, positively on this

new, repetitive joy. She is now free to seduce and be seduced, to show off

her body, to flirt with intent. Every day if she likes, and each time with

somebody different.

 

(Defloration aside, it goes without saying that the flirty minuet was, and

is, not all that different among older people. While one may have different

notions of what is sexy and different preferences as to physique, penis,

breasts, etc., it worked the same way when I was 15 and older, even when I

became an adult. Boys proposition everywhere, but with us girls could do so

also; and once a girl has the confidence of her convictions nothing stopped

her from responding to a boy's continued stare by commanding him to approach

her so she could have a look at his penis. And his balls -- always his

testicles too. And if she chose to play with the penis, things would go on

from there. It could be very deflating for the boy if, having looked, she

chose not to -- but that was usually just part of the game. What girl

doesn't like to see a boy's penis fill out and rise up on account of her?

And when they've done that, they become so kissable. I often would forget,

until almost too late, that I was supposed to stop and make the boy bring me

to climax orally before letting him ejaculate into my mouth or my vagina.

Sometimes one of the other girls watching would have to remind us, although

none of our regular boys would ever admit to losing interest in his girl's

climax just because he'd already been satisfied. It is disgraceful when a

boy, having ejaculated, takes his penis from a girl's mouth, leaves her

vagina gaping and eager for his kisses, and then ignores her. And since a

lot of boys refuse, rather hypocritically, to kiss a vagina full of their

semen, a girl is taking a risk if she lets him put his penis in before she

has got to the cusp of climax.)

 

In my time the issue of "when" was an, or the, appropriate time for first

sex wasn't articulated as an issue: it just happened -- but also there was

more pressure to start; the group we lived with hadn't developed any

philosophy on the subject, so Moses David's thinking -- which never had any

rule against importuning or even coercion -- governed by default. And even

Mom's Friend's rule on that subject would not have prevented the boy who in

fact deflowered me from challenging me as he did: we were horsing about and

in a tumble that he provoked, we fell and he somehow managed to slip his

legs in between mine and just directed his penis into my vagina. I hadn't

even realized his penis was erect and to this day I wonder about how it

slipped in so easily without foreplay or extra lubrication. Perhaps I was

somehow excited by the tussle. By the time I came to Mom's Friend's House I

was 13 and past that point: I'd been having vaginal sex for almost two years

and, as I've written, was something of an activist in oral sex and seduced a

whole series of boys during the year I lived on the houseboat with Mom.

Thereafter we moved to Mom's Friend's House. For months to come, in addition

to seducing boys, I would eagerly introduce them to girls their age, girls

just awakening to the possibilities. I knew, of course, that the boys would

fawn over those girls and that ultimately -- usually a matter of weeks --

the girls would surrender. I'd work on their mothers, too, to convince them

their daughters were ready. It was just a matter of getting a girl of, say

12, 13 or 14 to appreciate the power of her own growing breasts, the

potential of her vagina. And the possibility of using them to assert control

over boys. Plus, of course, the fun and delight that a boy's penis

represents, including the fun of deconstructing the mystique of something --

the penis -- that for a lifetime they have so held in awe.

 

Readers might reasonably ask how the experience of early sex affects later

relationships. As for the CoG, the movingon.org Web site includes a reader

survey, self-selected so that it's hardly statistically sound but

informative nonetheless. The vast majority of ex-CoG children (i.e.,

offspring of CoG members who grew up under their liberal, but intrusive and

pressured, sexual community and had early sex have successful adult

relationships and sex lives. I think that among my own friends the outcome

is similar. A few, boys mainly, have had a hard time adjusting to the

competition: when they were with us there was none, but now they are

competing in a free market. And for reasons I have covered in earlier

essays, it's difficult to carry on now all or even much of what we did,

because of new social norms. post-1985 health risks, and the lack of

interest in commune living. Remember, Mom's Friend is a trust-fund brat:

knowing that CoG members had to give their wealth to the Church upon

joining, her parents set up a trust fund that she could not draw on and

would only receive income from, and the use of a house from, once she left

the organization. In effect, Mom's Friend subsidized her communal boarders

and the single mothers who stayed with her from time to time. None could

ever have afforded a market rent: certainly Mom could not. My own life, too,

has taken a conventional turn. All I can say is that I am happy with my

childhood, and would like to find some compromises for any children I have.

Part of my investigative journalism -- such as calling on Rev. Mary (a cult

where Rev. Mary's own daughter took charge of supervising the sexual

initiation of boys and girls) and visiting Baja California (a timeshare

where kids were left pretty much on their own to experiment sexually) -- has

been to seek out options. Ways in which kids can have holidays where they

can experience nudity, nude playing, nude dancing, and the kind of liberal,

open sex and group arousal under parental supervision that we enjoyed. If we

can preserve a next-generation community with venues for dance parties and

coming-out parties and backyard naturism and fun that we had, it would be

great. But if it is to be a true copy of what I enjoyed, ultimately it has

to be driven and controlled and kept honest by adolescent girls with advice

from their Moms. I have concluded, from my investigation as reported in some

of these essays, that while nude dance parties for teens remain common

currency, outposts of communal life of the sort we had are extremely rare.

 

Those who would denigrate our life style have called it a "cult of the

penis", but it wasn't that. It is a lifestyle that gives predominance to

sexual expression from the moment of capacity because that is a self-evident

aspect of natural law, of biology. And for all his faults and later

degeneracy and millenarianism (Second Coming, End of World, etc.), Moses

David did have at one point in his life a true insight into the divine order

for sex and in human sexuality. Neither he nor we would force our order upon

outsiders, but we should be free, with our families, to act out our lives as

we feel commanded to do. And that includes the special place that sexuality

and visible sex -- indeed visible ejaculation and respect for semen as the

host of Holy Communion -- hold in our lives. And kids growing up to know

that it's perfectly normal for adolescents to enjoy each others' nude

bodies, for boys and girls to pair off and play erotically in common

company. That penis belongs in mouth and vagina, that ejaculation brings

real joy measured by spurts of semen that the girl should treasure and can

justly show off and happily consume. And that sexual pleasure is a renewable

resource, with penis alternately in mouth and in vagina, and boys obliged to

make their girl happy by kissing and licking her most precious and beautiful

inner parts.

 

The Children of God as a church has had so much exposure, and there has been

so little direct governmental interference (the Ward case being the major

exception of judicial intervention)

http://countercog.excult.org/judgment/index.htm ,

that despite the rule of law that religious belief is no excuse for criminal

behavior, it seems there were powerful political forces at work to shield

mothers from accusations of child abuse. Perhaps that was part of Mom's

lobbying role in the days when she was flirty fishing among the politically

powerful. I'm not sure that even she knew the implications of what she was

doing; she would build the relationships and more senior staff and their

hired lawyers would move in to make representations. And, as I've written

before, Mom never would discuss the identities of the politicians and senior

staffers she had sex with; eventually I stopped asking because it only upset

her or made her angry, depending on her mood of the day. Mom's Friend, of

course, didn't have that kind of "immunity" so her recovery project for

mothers and children had to be far more discreet. It's always been amazing

to me that the kids who were having so much fun at sex managed to keep it

all a secret once they were out of the house. I think part of it was (1)

that few kids could be or were approached except through their mothers, who

would have had proper commitment and discretion, and (2) since everybody

understood there had to be severe limits on outside boys, with the exception

of very few whose mothers had a special relationship with Mom's Friend, boys

had to be sponsored by a sister or other girl.

 

As I've written, it isn't every brother and sister who are eager to disrobe

in front of each other and be paired off to have sex in each other's

company. And, often, provide a venue for the first party. In my research on

all of this, reflected in these essays, I found that the biggest risk was in

a potential divorce and custody dispute. But such disputes are rare where

the child is already past puberty since the child has a major say in where

he or she will live. Finally, for whatever reason, most of us had single

Moms and custody was unlikely ever to be an issue and there was nobody to

make mischief about our lifestyle. When we had a dance party, there would

generally be a group of mothers upstairs with Mom's Friend, ostensibly

chaperones but in fact committed to letting us go about having sex, safely

and happily and with variety. Those mothers, conspiring together, managed to

exclude the vast majority of neurotic, inadequate, selfish and inept

hangers-on and troublemakers. Not that any mother ever concedes that her son

(or daughter) is sexually inadequate, but Mom always said in answer to that,

"We can tell." And it's true that word gets around. Even virgin boys -- and

as I wrote, sometimes mothers preferred virgin boys as defloration partners

for their girls -- would turn out to have a reputation that followed them. I

suspect that more often than we thought, they weren't virgins at all and at

least had had oral sex. A mother, pushing her son forward as extension of

her own ego would certainly never tell. And there was this point: the

assigned boy was supposed to be reliable, to have nice penis and an assured

erection, to be conscious of his obligation to bring the girl to climax, to

produce semen in quantity and all the rest. How, if he was a virgin, could

anybody be so sure of these qualities? Better, I thought then and now, for

the girl's mother to admit this and ask for an experienced boy whose penis

and whose personality we all had tried and knew about.

 

As I've written, lots of times boys could and would happily have oral sex,

even mutual oral sex, months before their penis had grown enough to give

them real confidence for vaginal sex. Some boys feel inadequate on account

of penile size; others ignore the issue and just present the girl with their

middling erection. In my experience, growing boys would likely as not make

up for any perceived genital immaturity by being especially solicitous with

their tongue on my sex parts. I encountered the situation more than other

girls simply because I matured early and began to have sex young, while most

11-year-old boys are just beginning to mature. Encountering that, I started

to especially enjoy boys whose penises and balls were out of synch,

different parts growing at different rates. It's just a matter of being

fascinated by anomalies and curiosities of humanity. It is degeneracy and

perversion when an adult man is aroused by an 11-year-old girl; but for an

11-13 year old boy to be so aroused is normal. And hadn't such boys been

aroused by me, even when I had only the tiniest of breasts, scarcely more

than buds? That boy who targeted and deflowered me when I was 11 must have

seen something sexy in me. And as it turned out, all it took to get me

interested and involved in things sexual was to get rid of my hymen. No

wonder that ever afterwards I've been on a campaign to convince every girl

that she should plan for sex the minute she reaches puberty and that every

Mom should be a matchmaker to bring penis and vagina together. Not in the

fumbling way I did it, but with a party where everybody can make a fuss over

the couple. And the couple can learn that "inadequacy" is a matter of

perception, and of myth. I'm not saying that every teen should have had sex

by the time she or he crosses the puberty threshold, but it's an option for

at least a few, particularly those late to develop; every kid is capable of

both arousal and orgasm at that point. Anyway, the reason for the

involvement of their mothers is that she has the perspective to know when

they should start.

 

Size apart, at issue for a boy's first vaginal sex is not particularly

dysfunction, as most any young boy who is not physically defective is

capable of an erection. Indeed it can be a fun challenge to make an

inexperienced and nervous boy's penis erect. Especially when the thing

hindering his erection is the presence of his mother, and his very fear of

disappointing her by not being able to penetrate the girl. (That, of course,

is why we had no problem with the 13/14-year-old boy whose erection got

caught in his elastic waistband when his mom tried to help him lower his

underpants as he entered the room where his "bride" was waiting to be

deflowered. But no boy who was suspected of insecurity or impotence would

ever have been selected for that task anyway.) These days, a lot of boys

take Viagra prior to their first coitus, so the problem is virtually

nonexistent. A more difficult issue can be delayed ejaculation, especially

if the boy's penis is thin by comparison with the girl's vagina and there

isn't enough friction to give him a speedy orgasm. The answer there is to

take time out for oral sex. Just one more reason why having mothers and

friends about for a girl's coming out is really helpful and a good idea. It

isn't enough for her just to have her hymen broken: she also needs to know

her partner has ejaculated, and sense semen inside her, if the event is to

serve its purpose as First Communion.

 

I have to say that all this business of our boys inevitably being OK as sex

partners did not, as the story of my onetime boyfriend the 16-Year-Old Boy,

translate into every boy growing up into a fully-charged, quality partner.

Some kids did well in a structured multi-partner environment, but could not

stabilize their sex lives after age 18 when they were essentially on their

own. That is no different from the indigenous peoples who cannot handle

Western society (a few tragic cases of Hmong immigrants, and even Native

Americans, the latter having every right to special consideration) and who

migrate to their own social spheres. Only today there are few free-sex

communities left and the economy has become unforgiving. Which is to say

that the 16-Year-Old Boy has a job as refrigeration technician, but as far

as I could tell, isn't able to impress any girls to the degree of building a

stable relationship. Probably that has nothing to do with his past with us;

it is enough to say that just proffering a stiff penis is not enough in

adulthood (and if I alienate a few readers by pointing out the truth, so be

it). American cities are full of men and women who -- at best -- spend their

off hours wishfully clicking on pictures in match.com. And at worst waste

their time and money on porn sites. All my experience with him proves, I

think, that it's all well and good to have a lovely, responsive and

productive penis and really lovable balls, but personality counts, too, and

a girl eventually gets bored with a cypherhead, however delightful his

tongue feels inside her vagina. Mom, as I said, had that poster of Louis

Abolafia (you'll see his nude photo, his lovely penis, at

http://www.spectator.net/EDPAGES/exoticerotic.html )

on her wall. And after I'd got rid of the 16-Year-Old Boy she tried to

explain that her criticism of him was that, while he had a lovely penis and

balls just like Louis, what he didn't have was character that you could read

on his face, an outgoing personality that made taking his penis into your

mouth a matter of urgency, desperately wanting to give him pleasure and to

have his semen. That, she said, was something you could tell even from a

photograph. Well, perhaps.

 

Mom, of course, kept her passion forever for the style of boy she'd loved

from her own teen years. She never could figure out the boys I was with, or

our music or our interests. And although I kept assuring her that I was,

just as she kept telling me, keeping sex "in perspective" and that I did,

indeed, have other interests, and couldn't she see that I read a lot, and

that I was always out with friends hiking and doing stuff, somehow I don't

think she was every fully satisfied. But that's the story of the

generations, isn't it? Take a boy's clothes off, though, and he's the same,

since Adam. No matter how handsome and statuesque his penis, he's still the

same boy inside. Liberal sex was important to Mom; it was a commitment she'd

made long ago. I accepted it, in fact I loved it. I thought I was avoiding

mistakes that Mom had made; she, on the other hand, seems to have thought I

was making them all over again. But one of the points I have tried to make

is that an honest, liberal parent doesn't try to impose her ancient

childhood norms on her kids. Mom was happy to see me in an embrace. She'd

experienced an abrupt breakaway from her own parents when she left them for

the Children of God, and when she found she'd followed a false prophet -- or

at least a partially false one -- she was chastened. She allowed me to make

decisions but provided guidance based on her own experience -- exactly what

an ideal parent would do. Readers may find the theological basis for her

life and mine odd, but I hope that the recent revelations about the Children

of God, The Family and Davidito will prove that the basis was substantial,

even if faulty. One assumes that readers in this venue will not be outraged

by the unconventional, sexually-aware, nature of our theology and hence our

upbringing. But the fact is that -- as all those expensive professionals who

were engaged to analyze children from the Children of God sect found -- in

general one suffers no damage from early and honest sexual encounter. To

know the body of the opposite sex from the earliest age when it is

physically appropriate to do so is a blessing. In fact, postponing sex until

legal age is a matter of economics, not biology or psychology. Human beings

paired off at 14-16 for millennia, and only now, when further education and

maturity are needed to compete in the modern economy have governments

legislated later ages for school leaving and employment. Whatever else they

do, however, governments cannot legislate later ages for puberty -- and in

fact the age of puberty has been falling steadily over a number of years.

(You can google "age of puberty" for the statistics.) Past that age, kids

can and should enjoy each others' bodies. That is natural law. And I have

seen and, I think, shown, that it is right and proper. I hope nobody tries

to extrapolate from the Davidito case -- a young man driven psychotic not by

his past but by his present friends and by hangers-on with an agenda -- to

condemn the life we led. In any case, I have done the best I can to set out

honestly the basis for our beliefs and our practices, what we believed and

what we did. And how it made us better, sexually and socially happier,

adults. More than that I can't do. And what I am not going to do is to

defend human biology, and what comes naturally from it.

 

 

 

Love,

Carol

 

 

 

P.S.: Although I have discussed the issue more than once, I am still asked

how often we, as adolescents, had sex. The assumption seems to be that sex

is all we did. I repeat what I have said before: we may have started our sex

lives earlier than most Americans, girls or boys, and sex may have been a

part of our faith, but it was far from all-consuming. Yes, our dance parties

and the occasional coming-out parties were sex-driven, although at some

coming-out parties the main girl and her beau were the only ones to have

sex; indeed sometimes the only ones to be naked. Yes, there was absolute

freedom to be nude in the backyard and in the basement of Mom's Friend's

House -- as in dedicated zones of lots of homes I've been in, especially

homes of the communal, liberal sort. And girls had equal rights to be flirty

and adventurous and to start something. But in fact and for the rest, making

love was a matter of mood and romance and feeling: it just happened,

spontaneously. I guess for most that meant once, occasionally twice, a week;

counting, I should say, multiple attempts at orgasm on a single occasion as

one time. More often, perhaps, if the weather was nice and people came over.

For me, a lot more often when I was going with the 16-Year-Old Boy. The

truth is, nobody was keeping score -- and except for my diary notes, often

indecipherable and incomplete -- we don't remember exactly. What we do

remember are the funny, the sad, the new and the exciting; but just as we

grow gradually, not even realizing that today we have a few more pubic hairs

than yesterday, our breasts are just that bit grander, our boy's penis a bit

more impressive, one day's joy can be confused with another's. All I can say

with confidence is that the best orgasm ever is your latest one, the best

penis the one that is on the verge, right now, of ejaculating for you.

 

--

Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights

reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.

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1. "{ASSM} Afterthoughts: The Davidito Book and the Children of God sex"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2005/50366
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>

 

2. "{ASSM} From teenybopper to grown-up: seeing and being seen at joy"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2005/50089

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1. "{ASSM} Afterthoughts: The Davidito Book and the Children of God sex"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2005/50366
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 75K, Language: en, Date: 2005-02-02

...ssage id 50366asstr 1107378601 assm asstr 1107378601@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original to story submit asstr submit@asstr.org d...

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2. "{ASSM} From teenybopper to grown-up: seeing and being seen at joy"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2005/50089
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 129K, Language: en, Date: 2005-01-04

...ssage id 50089asstr 1104822603 assm asstr 1104822603@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original to story submit asstr submit@asstr.org d...

Word counts: cobillard: 4;

3. "{ASSM} Older Girl Awakes"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2004/48182
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 67K, Language: en, Date: 2004-06-09

...ssage id 48182asstr 1086815402 assm asstr 1086815402@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original to story submit asstr submit@asstr.org d...

Word counts: cobillard: 4;

4. "{ASSM} Corrected text: From teenybopper to grown-up: seeing and being seen at joy"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2005/50103
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 129K, Language: en, Date: 2005-01-04

...ssage id 50103asstr 1104869402 assm asstr 1104869402@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original to story submit asstr submit@asstr.org d...

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5. "{ASSM} The Blond-Haired Boy returns"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2004/46093
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 45K, Language: en, Date: 2004-01-03

...ssage id 46093asstr 1073171403 assm asstr 1073171403@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com originating email cobillard hotmail cobillard@hot...

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6. "{ASSM} The defloration party -- why?"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2003/41630
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 39K, Language: en, Date: 2003-04-04

...ssage id 41630asstr 1049505004 assm asstr 1049505004@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com originating email cobillard hotmail cobillard@hot...

Word counts: cobillard: 4;

7. "{ASSM} Some further reminiscences of parents and children and sex"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2003/42392
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 163K, Language: en, Date: 2003-05-11

...ssage id 42392asstr 1052658603 assm asstr 1052658603@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com originating email cobillard hotmail cobillard@hot...

Word counts: cobillard: 4;

8. "{ASSM} {corrected} Some further reminiscences of parents and children and sex"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2003/42400
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 163K, Language: en, Date: 2003-05-11

...ssage id 42400asstr 1052683805 assm asstr 1052683805@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com originating email cobillard hotmail cobillard@hot...

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9. "{ASSM} A Boy's Story"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2003/42801
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 23K, Language: en, Date: 2003-06-04

...ssage id 42801asstr 1054775404 assm asstr 1054775404@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com originating email cobillard hotmail cobillard@hot...

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10. "{ASSM} A New Paradigm for Childraising?"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2003/45569
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 114K, Language: en, Date: 2003-11-25

...ssage id 45569asstr 1069755005 assm asstr 1069755005@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com originating email cobillard hotmail cobillard@hot...

Word counts: cobillard: 4;









 




















































 




 

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11. "{ASSM} Sex and the Capital City"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/37735
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 58K, Language: en, Date: 2002-08-07

...ssage id 37735asstr 1028718606 assm asstr 1028718606@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com user agent microsoft entourage 10 2006 from carol...

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12. "{ASSM} More puberty, more theology, more communion, more semen"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2005/52289
Author: "Carol C" <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 85K, Language: en, Date: 2005-10-25

...ssage id 52289asstr 1130245801 assm asstr 1130245801@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original to story submit asstr submit@asstr.org d...

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13. "{ASSM} The Alumni Homecoming Picnic"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2006/52753
Author: "Carol C" <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 103K, Language: en, Date: 2006-01-02

...ssage id 52753asstr 1136189405 assm asstr 1136189405@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original to story submit asstr submit@asstr.org d...

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14. "{ASSM} First sex, first philosophy"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/37616
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 46K, Language: en, Date: 2002-08-01

...ssage id 37616asstr 1028200201 assm asstr 1028200201@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com user agent microsoft entourage 10 2006 from carol...

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15. "{ASSM} The Finnish Exchange Student; and The Oral Sex Party"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2005/51623
Author: "Carol C" <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 70K, Language: en, Date: 2005-07-29

...ssage id 51623asstr 1122642602 assm asstr 1122642602@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original to story submit asstr submit@asstr.org d...

Word counts: cobillard: 3;

16. "{ASSM} "How the other half lives": religious asexuality ... and sex"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2004/49232
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 15K, Language: en, Date: 2004-09-19

...ssage id 49232asstr 1095646202 assm asstr 1095646202@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original to story submit asstr submit@asstr.org d...

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17. "{ASSM} Mothers and penises, vicarious climaxes"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2004/48125
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 49K, Language: en, Date: 2004-06-05

...ssage id 48125asstr 1086426601 assm asstr 1086426601@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original to story submit asstr submit@asstr.org d...

Word counts: cobillard: 4;

18. "{ASSM} Javier and Maria Luisa's Story"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2003/40250
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 59K, Language: en, Date: 2003-01-03

...ssage id 40250asstr 1041649805 assm asstr 1041649805@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com user agent microsoft entourage 10 2006 from carol...

Word counts: cobillard: 3;

19. "{ASSM} What I did on my vacation"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2003/41616
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 102K, Language: en, Date: 2003-04-03

...ssage id 41616asstr 1049364604 assm asstr 1049364604@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com originating email cobillard hotmail cobillard@hot...

Word counts: cobillard: 4;

20. "{ASSM} A research journey in Baja California"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2004/48799
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
Story Vitals: Size: 97K, Language: en, Date: 2004-08-11

...ssage id 48799asstr 1092222602 assm asstr 1092222602@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original to story submit asstr submit@asstr.org d...

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54 of 512173 files matched your query cobillard.
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21. "{ASSM} Terrific Girl and the 11-Year-Old-Boy with the Big Penis"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2008/58191
Author: Carol Cobillard <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[71K, en] (2008-10-08)

...60cb4ec3e7649a78c254c9bf3b0 phx w60cb4ec3e7649a78c254c9bf3b0@phx.gbl from carol cobillard cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com importance normal content transfer enco...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

22. "{ASSM} Doing well by doing good"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2007/55789
Author: "Carol C" <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[38K, en] (2007-05-05)

...43f863acb40ea71bf400 phx f22728aa43f863acb40ea71bf400@phx.gbl originating email cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com from carol cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.co...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

23. "{ASSM} Some Special Boys"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2006/54755
Author: "Carol C" <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[50K, en] (2006-10-21)

...b34705247013a5dbf020 phx f16bf53db34705247013a5dbf020@phx.gbl originating email cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com from carol cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.co...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

24. "{ASSM} Brothers and Sisters: Keeping the Faith"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2008/58252
Author: Carol Cobillard <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[60K, en] (2008-11-10)

...605d5cf8f44240213ab250bf1b0 phx w605d5cf8f44240213ab250bf1b0@phx.gbl from carol cobillard cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com importance normal originalarrivaltime 0...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

25. "{ASSM} Sex and the older woman, and some other stuff"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2006/53824
Author: "Carol C" <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[36K, en] (2006-05-10)

...441ce8d7db8ef20bfa90 phx f28dec0b441ce8d7db8ef20bfa90@phx.gbl originating email cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com from carol cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.co...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

26. "{ASSM} Memorializing Sexual Politics"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2006/53983
Author: "Carol C" <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[24K, en] (2006-06-02)

...64fbb23e647eb769bf910 phx f6c06564fbb23e647eb769bf910@phx.gbl originating email cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com from carol cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.co...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

27. "{ASSM} My Story: Terrific Girl"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/38968
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[76K, en] (2002-10-27)

...ssage id 38968asstr 1035699002 assm asstr 1035699002@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com mime version apple message framework v546 from ca...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

28. "{ASSM} Mom's defloration at the CoG: a sequel, a blog"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2008/58295
Author: Carol Cobillard <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[58K, en] (2008-11-23)

...169d220e92b3ced968a550bf090 phx w169d220e92b3ced968a550bf090@phx.gbl from carol cobillard cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com importance normal originalarrivaltime 2...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

29. "{ASSM} Rev. Mary gives new life to adolescent sexual freedom"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2003/45030
Author: "Carol C" <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[48K, en] (2003-10-28)

...ssage id 45030asstr 1067397009 assm asstr 1067397009@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com originating email cobillard hotmail cobillard@hot...

Word counts: cobillard: 3;

30. "{ASSM} A reader asks: Why were there so few fathers at Mom's Friend's House?"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2005/51370
Author: "Carol C" <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[51K, en] (2005-06-09)

...ssage id 51370asstr 1118333401 assm asstr 1118333401@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original to story submit asstr submit@asstr.org d...

Word counts: cobillard: 3;

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54 of 512173 files matched your query cobillard.
73 search results from a.s.s.m index files were removed for your convenience
+cobillard: 127;
Search completed in 0.008 seconds
The search engine was last reindexed on 2013-08-17

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Displaying matches 31 through 40

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31. "{ASSM} Sex in the College: our party, our shower"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/37604
Author: cobillard@hotmail.com (Carol)

[18K, en] (2002-07-31)

...str.org return path news google news@google.com original path not for mail from cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com carol original message id 2a28f2d7 0207310129 5a1...

Word counts: cobillard: 1;

32. "{ASSM} Reaching out"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2008/57217
Author: Carol C <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[75K, en] (2008-01-25)

...25012de2f23d07470963d0bf390 phx w25012de2f23d07470963d0bf390@phx.gbl from carol cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com importance normal content transfer encoding quote...

Word counts: cobillard: 1;

33. "{ASSM} Early sex and the Children of God: my story"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/37585
Author: cobillard@hotmail.com (Carol)

[10K, en] (2002-07-29)

...str.org return path news google news@google.com original path not for mail from cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com carol original message id 2a28f2d7 0207290811 fab...

Word counts: cobillard: 1;

34. "{ASSM} First Communion, First Semen, and Mother's Pride"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2007/56132
Author: Carol C <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[29K, en] (2007-06-27)

...23c5b234fafcbd2f764877bf0a0 phx w23c5b234fafcbd2f764877bf0a0@phx.gbl from carol cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com importance normal content transfer encoding quote...

Word counts: cobillard: 1;

35. "{ASSM} The Golden Wedding Celebration"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2007/56008
Author: Carol C <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[67K, en] (2007-06-04)

... w36a35e565263d0195570cbf210 phx w36a35e565263d0195570cbf210@phx.gbl from carol cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com importance normal originalarrivaltime 04 jun 2007...

Word counts: cobillard: 1;

36. "Sex in the College: Our Party, Our Shower"
/Collections/Kristen's_Collection/www/21/colleges.txt
Author: Carol (cobillard@hotmail.com)
Keywords: MF, 1st, college

[18K, en] (2002-11-01)

...l down to view text archive name colleges txt mf 1st college authors name carol cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com story title sex in the college our party our show...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

37. "{ASSM} Some further reflections on life and religion and sexuality and girls' rights"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2004/47533
Author: "Carol " <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[277K, en] (2004-04-19)

...ssage id 47533asstr 1082373003 assm asstr 1082373003@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original to story submit asstr submit@asstr.org d...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

38. "{ASSM} On puberty"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/38098
Author: "Carol Cobillard" <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[87K, en] (2002-09-02)

...essage id 38098asstr 1030997403 assm asstr 1030997403@assm.asstr.org from carol cobillard cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original message id f1885ji1xyujqvaopcp...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

39. "{ASSM} Mom's Friend's Rules: Faith and Orgasm, Puberty and Coming-out"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2011/61225
Author: Carol Cobillard <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[48K, en] (2011-07-04)

...6596bbad58fdbb006c77eebf5c0 phx w6596bbad58fdbb006c77eebf5c0@phx.gbl from carol cobillard cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com importance normal originalarrivaltime 0...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

40. "{ASSM} Some thoughts on communal nudity and sex"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/38807
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[52K, en] (2002-10-16)

...ssage id 38807asstr 1034788203 assm asstr 1034788203@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com mime version apple message framework v546 from ca...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

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...because the best things in life truly are free.



ASSTR is home to over 1000 authors of erotic literature, host of the alt.sex.stories.moderated newsgroup, mcstories.com, mirror site for nifty.org, and host of several popular erotic literature archives.

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54 of 512173 files matched your query cobillard.
73 search results from a.s.s.m index files were removed for your convenience
+cobillard: 127;
Search completed in 0.008 seconds
The search engine was last reindexed on 2013-08-17

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Search:
Show a sample of each match     results per page

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Displaying matches 41 through 50

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41. "{ASSM} {FAQ} Ole Joe's Guide - UPDATE - v.2005"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2005/52054
Author: "Franz Kafka" <franzkafka79@hotmail.com>

[717K, en] (2005-09-20)

...leaving on jet plane survivor stories elisabeth filarski the outback orgy carol cobillard writes more essays than stories but she posts them regularly to assm and so she...

Word counts: cobillard: 3;

42. "Ole Joe's Guide: Author profiles and stories"
/Collections/ingrid/www/joesguide-authors.html
Author: Ole Joe, Franz Kafka, OleJoeFan, Ingrid (editor)
Keywords: FAQ
Summary: Profiles, reviews, and several thousand story links for about 600 notable authors of erotic fiction, c.1990-2004

[1M, en] (2005-09-25)

... candy kane carlos malenkov carnage jackson carnal knowledge carnal quill carol cobillard carol collins caroline ashbee catallus cathcguilt cde celeste celia bateau cent...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

43. "{ASSM} Save your vagina for Jesus: Coming out for Him at puberty"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2012/62298

[30K, en] (2012-08-25)

...fkf aw original path glegroupsg2000goo googlegroups com not for mail from carol cobillard cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original message id 00872046 8621 494c ...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

44. "{ASSM} On Oral Sex"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/38760
Author: cobillard@hotmail.com (Carol)

[26K, en] (2002-10-12)

...str.org return path news google news@google.com original path not for mail from cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com carol original message id 2a28f2d7 0210120848 212...

Word counts: cobillard: 1;

45. "{ASSM} "Changing Partners": Jeremiah's account of commune life"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/40026
Author: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[208K, en] (2002-12-23)

...ssage id 40026asstr 1040623822 assm asstr 1040623822@assm.asstr.org return path cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com user agent microsoft entourage 10 2006 from carol...

Word counts: cobillard: 4;

46. "{ASSM} Safer sex in my future and an orgasm while sleeping"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/37631
Author: cobillard@hotmail.com (Carol)

[18K, en] (2002-08-02)

...str.org return path news google news@google.com original path not for mail from cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com carol original message id 2a28f2d7 0208012125 529...

Word counts: cobillard: 1;

47. "{ASSM} Seducing a young boy on the boat"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/37597
Author: cobillard@hotmail.com (Carol)

[10K, en] (2002-07-30)

...str.org return path news google news@google.com original path not for mail from cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com carol original message id 2a28f2d7 0207300618 2db...

Word counts: cobillard: 1;

48. "{ASSM} On virginity"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/38266
Author: cobillard@hotmail.com (Carol)

[26K, en] (2002-09-09)

...str.org return path news google news@google.com original path not for mail from cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com carol original message id 2a28f2d7 0209091047 5d4...

Word counts: cobillard: 1;

49. "{ASSM} Mom's Story"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2002/38995
Author: cobillard@hotmail.com (Carol)

[16K, en] (2002-10-28)

...str.org return path news google news@google.com original path not for mail from cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com carol original message id 2a28f2d7 0210280456 230...

Word counts: cobillard: 1;

50. "{ASSM} The Second Annual Best Penis Contest"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2004/47514
Author: cobillard@hotmail.com (Carol)

[28K, en] (2004-04-18)

...elivered to story submit asstr submit@asstr.org original path not for mail from cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com carol original message id 2a28f2d7 0404162308 196...

Word counts: cobillard: 1;

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Read our privacy guidelines.

 

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...because the best things in life truly are free.



ASSTR is home to over 1000 authors of erotic literature, host of the alt.sex.stories.moderated newsgroup, mcstories.com, mirror site for nifty.org, and host of several popular erotic literature archives.

Top of Form

Bottom of Form



54 of 512173 files matched your query cobillard.
73 search results from a.s.s.m index files were removed for your convenience
+cobillard: 127;
Search completed in 0.008 seconds
The search engine was last reindexed on 2013-08-17

Top of Form

Search:
Show a sample of each match     results per page

Bottom of Form

 

Displaying matches 51 through 54

[<< Prev] 1 2 3 4 5 6 

51. "{ASSM} {FAQ} Ole Joe's Guide - UPDATE - v.2004"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2004/46895
Author: "Franz Kafka" <franzkafka79@hotmail.com>

[653K, en] (2004-02-25)

...leaving on jet plane survivor stories elisabeth filarski the outback orgy carol cobillard writes more essays than stories but she posts them regularly to assm and so she...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

52. "{ASSM} Mrs. M, Boy B and Girl G come to stay at Mom's Friend's House (2005)"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2007/56141
Author: Carol C <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[95K, en] (2007-06-29)

... w299836470ceb1e2cf0979bf080 phx w299836470ceb1e2cf0979bf080@phx.gbl from carol cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com importance normal originalarrivaltime 29 jun 2007...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

53. "{ASSM} To pray, to flirt, to fish and to feel joy in communion: I have seen ecstasy."
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2008/57586
Author: Carol C <cobillard@hotmail.com>

[82K, en] (2008-05-04)

...39d6efa86074004ed917e0bfd50 phx w39d6efa86074004ed917e0bfd50@phx.gbl from carol cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com importance normal originalarrivaltime 03 may 2008...

Word counts: cobillard: 2;

54. "{ASSM} A letter to "M" about my 15th birthday party"
/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year2012/62265

[29K, en] (2012-07-24)

...syzbbvq exea original path glegroupsg2000goo googlegroups com not for mail from cobillard hotmail cobillard@hotmail.com original message id 00fc791e 7592 4796 ad8e 2a2d8...

Word counts: cobillard: 1;

[<< Prev] 1 2 3 4 5 6 

 


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Your use of the ASSTR web site and any site or service hosted by or at ASSTR
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Read our privacy guidelines.

 

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